#university rejection
Last night I had a dream that I received a text telling me I had been accepted into my dream school. I woke up really sad, and disappointed. I remembered how sad I was when I came home to this thin, tiny, sad envelope and cried for two whole days because my envelope wasn’t gold. I didn’t go to class the next day; I just laid in bed and felt sorry for myself.
That was something no one told me: it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry and not go to school the next day. It’s okay to feel hurt and embarrassed. Those feelings are okay. After awhile, you don’t feel as sad anymore. You don’t want to cry as much, and there will be a day that you won’t cry at all.
It’s been 7 months since I received my rejection letter, and I still cry sometimes. Sometimes it’s really easy to be sad, like when you’re alone in your dorm room and Facebook is full of pictures of your friends who go to that school and it’s 1 am on a Friday night. I’m still sad, still disappointed, but there will be a time that I don’t feel this way anymore.
It’s really hard and absurd to attend a university where you don’t feel like you belong. I’ve met a handful of people who I really like and I enjoy their company, but I feel like I’m missing something. I try to be positive, I try to love this school, but I don’t. It’s a very empty feeling, one that I would never wish upon someone (that sounds like I’ve recently experienced a death or extreme loss - I’m dramatic).
It’s really hard to visit my dream school to see my boyfriend and my close friends who go there, and hearing from my friends “I mean, you had to be smart to get in here” and always being reminded that they’re “going to school for an education.” Maybe I’m over emotional. My boyfriend is so kind and caring and supportive of me, and listens to me each time I cry about school (sad, yes I know). I’m lucky to have someone who cares so much and puts up with my unhappiness.
Hopefully I get used to it here. Hopefully it grows on me and I can some day (soon) say that I love it here. Right now, I don’t. I’m okay, content, whatever. This town just isn’t the town I ever expected myself to be in. I’ve never felt so alone in such a big place.
Fin.
