#thinspo
I need a vacation from my mind and body
Everyday I say today is going to be better, that today is going to be a good day.
And
Everyday is a waste of energy, everyday is more disappointing than the last, everyday sucks more than the last
I’m hanging on by a thread and maybe just maybe, it’s time to let go.
I feel like a ghost, I’m neither dead nor alive.
I just exist in between.
In the real world I’m that girl that doesn’t eat, the girl who goes to therapy, the girl that’s falling apart.
But
On here, I fit in, I feel safe - comforted by the fact that I’m not alone, on here people feel the way I do, and I don’t feel so crazy anymore
I don’t know if I should be a comforted by this as much as I am, or if I’m even more broken than I thought.
forever standing up too fast and traveling to another dimension so hard you have to blink really fast to land back on earth.
My days lately feel so long, I exist from one day to another barely accomplishing anything.
My lack of sleep make things feel so much longer and tedious. I feel like I’m walking though sludge. My mind is a muddle.
Each day is more disappointing than the last but I don’t have the energy to die.
I’m just existing.
I’m so tired right now. I’m tired of breathing. I’m tired of surviving.
I just want to stop.
I’m told on a daily basis by multiple people how dangerous this illness is, I myself realise how deadly anorexia is BUT I can’t stop, I physically can’t stop.
It’s addictive and uncontrollable - I know that no matter what goal I hit, I’ll always lower it because it’s not enough because there’s always more to lose, always a lower number to hit.
I’m unhappy being stuck in this cycle but I’m even more miserable without it - anyone who even slightly feels this way please get help.
Me: “AHHHH what a great way of beginning the day!!!”
*chugs in green tea while feeling dizzy and wanting to cry*
Day 1: My stats (in kg)
Hw: 43
Lw: 39.1
Cw: 39.7
Gw 1: 37
Gw 2 :35
Ugw : 32
BMI: 17.0
).( goals
some collarbone thinspo for you