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Wind and Hope

I know. I know.

but it’s October

embrace the darkness

Today, all three seasons of Avatar: The Last Airbender are up on U.S. Netflix, and I expect the internet will soon be buzzing once again about the show that some of us (correctly) hold as the greatest of all time. With quarantines still keeping us all at home, and the country’s collective conscience scrambling for knew things to binge, this is a great opportunity for those who haven’t seen the show since childhood to give it a rewatch, as well as for new viewers to experience its magic for the very first time.

I, a true believer, have of course watched the show every year since it finished its run back in 2006, and I thought with this new wave of binging ahead of us, I might as well put that time to good use for the public. But what to write about? A deep dive into the history and lore? Analysis of the greatest bending duels? Good ideas, sure, but there’s another topic that’s been on my mind for a long time, and now seems like the right moment to finally address it.

There are a lot of idiot guards in Avatar. Like, a lot. Every time I watch the show, I am struck by how many nameless background dudes are completely incompetent at their incredibly basic job – guarding – and for years I have pondered who the best dumb guard in the whole series is. Today, I hope to clear that up with a definitive, scientific ranking. I present to you now, The Top 7 Dumb Guards in Avatar: The Last Airbender.

A few rules before we start:

First, for the purposes of assembling a truly definitive list, I sampled not only dumb guards from Avatar, but from its sequel series, The Legend of Korra as well. This will undoubtedly draw me some flak as Korra is not as universally beloved as its predecessor, but since both shows came from co-creators Bryan Konietzko and Mike DiMartino and shared writers, directors, and even some voice talent, I’m lumping the two together to bring you the best guard-related content out there. There will be spoilers for both shows, beware.

Secondly, I will be rating each guard or guard-group in four categories: Dumbness,Guardness,Comedic Timing, and Memorability, on a scale of 1-5 for each. This is, after all, science.

Lastly, I want to throw out a few honorable mentions who, for various technical reasons, did not make the cut:

Honorable Mention: The Engineer Who gets Frozen in The Drill

This guy has no lines, contributes nothing, and is technically not a guard. But he does look very, very silly, and Katara’s amazing “Hi” after freezing the poor man solid is enough to get an honorable mention from me. It kills me every time.

Honorable Mention: Detectives Lu and Gang from KorraSeason 2

Like the last guy, these two are not technically guards, and they appear in too many episodes to qualify. In a show filled with great comic characters, most of their contributions in the laugh department I can take or leave. But they are extraordinarily dumb, and that counts for something.

Honorable Mention: Literally Serena Williams

This one deserves a shout-out solely for the queen herself, who cameoed as Uncle Iroh’s prison guard in Airbender’sthird season simply because she was a big fan of the show. She cannot be on this list, as this is a list for dumb guards and not queens, but I include her here so we can all remember this beautiful moment in pop culture history.

Honorable Mention: Aunt Wu’s Bodyguard/Butler/Secret Lover (?) in The Fortuneteller

Our last honorable mention is technically a guard, as he stands by Aunt Wu’s front door and, well, guards. He is not, however, dumb. No no no, anything but. He is a suave, devil-may-care, smokin’ fellow with all of one (maybe two?) lines, and he deserves recognition for stealing the twenty seconds of screen time he gets with his sexy self. Seriously, the two pictures I have here are the only two shots he appears in. But just look at this guy:

We must stan.

And now, to the actual list.

Number 7: The Macaroon Guys

Show:Korra               Episode: The Calling, Season 4, Episode 4

Dumbness: 3       Guardness: 2       Comedic Timing: 2        Memorability: 1

Starting off our list are these two bozos who kidnap Ikki in an attempt to find the avatar. They devise a plan to trick her into telling what she knows, but it is doomed to fail as Ikki is a clever airbending prodigy, and they are, you guessed it, a couple of dumb guards.

The main attraction here is how one of these guys finds a bag of snacks Ikki’s mom packed for her, Jinora and Meelo, and that he seems genuinely touched by the handwritten notes inside, which he somehow believes are written to him. He keeps trying to convince his Mario-ass-lookin’ to try a macaroon, and is repeatedly rebuffed. That’s good comedy.

In the end, these two are knocked out in a single blow from Jinora and Meelo. They are quite dumb, and the macaroon bit is pretty good, but sadly they overstay their welcome – unbecoming for guards – and therefore land at the bottom slot.

Number 6: The Southern Raiders Crew

Show:Airbender         Episode: The Southern Raiders, Season 3, Episode 16

Dumbness: 3        Guardness: 2       Comedic Timing: 4         Memorability: 1

The Southern Raiders is one of the darkest episodes in either show, even standing up against some of the brutal events of Korra’s later seasons. It’s a beautifully written saga about trauma, grieving, and vengeance. But don’t worry – there’s one good laugh in there too.

After discovering the location of the Southern Raiders fleet, Zuko and Katara launch a night attack on the lead ship to try to kill the man who killed Katara’s mother, who as it turns out, isn’t there. Seconds before she leaps aboard the ship’s deck, waterbending power peaked beneath the full moon and driven by revenge, we see the crew of the ship, sitting around, shootin’ the breeze. One guard, a particularly dorky looking fellow, is in the middle of a funny story, but he only gets as far as “So there I was, right?” before he is wept into the sea in a single waterbending attack.

The clip really only works in motion, and I encourage you to watch for it on your next viewing, because while this poor guard does not last nearly long enough to make it any higher on our list, that one line gets me every. Single. Time.

Number 5: The Messenger Hawk Messengers

Show: Airbender         Episode: The Beach, Season 3, Episode 5

Dumbness: 4        Guardness: 4       Comedic Timing: 2         Memorability: 2

Oh baby are these two dumb. Just barely making the top-five spot are the two fire dudes who spot Aang swimming in all his shirtless, tattooed glory. Excited at having discovered a national security threat at their incredibly dull, incredibly remote outpost, these absolute boneheads write a letter to the Firelord to clue the big man in. Sadly, their messenger hawk is intercepted by Combustion Man and never makes it to the royal palace.

The reason these guys get bumped up to number 5 is their establishing shot, where one guy fans himself gingerly while the other picks his toes with the hilt of his sword and then sniffs it. It’s classic physical comedy, and it never gets old. These guys are morons of the highest caliber, and they deserve recognition.

Also they were almost definitely killed by Combustion Man so like, you know, pour one out.

Number 4: The Earthbending-Lemur Guys

Show:Airbender         Episode: Imprisoned, Season 1, Episode 6

Dumbness: 4        Guardness: 3       Comedic Timing: 3         Memorability: 5

Textbook dumb guards here, head to toe. So, the gang’s in a town where no Earthbending is allowed, but Katara’s new friend Haru gets caught and thrown on a prison barge. Determined to save him, our heroes devise a plan to frame Katara for earthbending by having Aang levitate a boulder with a wind blast from underneath, sending her to the same prison barge to enact a rescue.

Simple, right? Except for these dumb, idiot guards who, seeing the trick play out, believe it is actually Momo the lemur, not Katara, who is earthbending. In fairness, we know that some animals do have bending abilities, and Momo does look particularly awe-inspiring in this pose:

It’s one of the most iconic moments from the show’s early episodes, frequently quoted and with good reason. The whole set up here is comedy gold, and we’re rewarded with some of the dumbest guards in the whole series. How Haru managed to get caught by these schmucks is honestly a mystery unto itself.

The only real thing holding these guys back here is that Momo, Katara and Sokka carry most of the comedy on this one. The guards are dumb, sure, but they’re only part of the equation.

Number 3: The Push-Up Guys

Show:Korra               Episode: Old Wounds, Season 3, Episode 6

Dumbness: 4        Guardness: 5       Comedic Timing: 5         Memorability: 2

I know, I know, this one’s a bit of a wildcard pick – a very brief moment from a fairly late Korra episode. But these two really exemplify the dumb guard lifestyle, and their lack of notoriety is the only thing keeping them this low on the list.

Lin Beifong is wandering the grounds in Zaofu, inspecting security, when she comes across two guards lounging against the side of a building. And in one line, these two cement themselves in the dumb guard pantheon:

          ACT I, SCENE I, enter TWO DUMB GUARDS

          Guard 1: [Leans on wall]

          Guard 2: How many push-ups did you do last night?

          Guard 1: …

          Guard 2: …because I did like fifty.

          END SCENE.

Gold. Pure gold. This, right here, is everything a dumb guard should do – guard something, be a little delinquent, deliver a good one-liner, and exit stage right. Lin immediately chastises these two for being so dumb, and so bad at guarding, and that’s the last we see of them. Sadly, this moment is rarely remembered, so it sits at the bronze medal position.

Number 2: The Pentapox Boys

Show:Airbender         Episode: Return to Omashu, Season 2, Episode 3

Dumbness: 5        Guardness: 5       Comedic Timing: 4         Memorability: 3

In our current global situation, plague-based comedy is a particularly tricky thing. Dumb guard-based comedy, however? Timeless. In this episode, the Aang Gang helps the citizens of Omashu, now conquered by the Fire Nation, escape their city by pretending to have come down with a deadly illness called pentapox. Pentapox, of course, does not exist.

When our heroes first enter the city at night, coming up through the sewers, Sokka is “attacked” by adorable creatures called purple pentapuses (pentapi?). The suckers on the pentapi’s appendages leave marks on his neck, and when the crew comes upon a group of guards, they ask what’s wrong with him.

Cute, right? “He has pentapox,” Katara says, always the quick thinker, and Sokka immediately plays along – coughing, stumbling, the whole shebang. Rather than question these mysterious children, oddly out way past curfew, our boys follow the dumb guard playbook and immediately buy the whole thing.

“I think I’ve heard of pentapox,” the leader says to his companions in a rising panic. “Didn’t your cousin Chang die of it? We’d better go wash our hands. And burn our clothes!”

It’s a hilarious moment, and while the guards exit appropriately on cue, they pop back up later to confirm to the city’s governor that yes, pentapox is real, and he should let all the citizens out. Just ask cousin Chang.

But even guards this dumb cannot claim the top spot. That blue ribbon is reserved for…

Number 1: The Birthday Boys

Show:Airbender         Episode: Sozin’s Comet Part 3: Into the Inferno, Season 3, Episode 20

Dumbness: 5        Guardness: 3       Comedic Timing: 5         Memorability: 5

Here it is – the gold medal. A set of guards any fan of the show will recognize. After capturing one of Ozai’s airships with Suki and Toph, Sokka pulls a classic Han Solo and calls the whole zeppelin crew to the bomb bay for “hot cakes and sweet cream,” to celebrate a “very special birthday.” No one questions this, despite the fact that the airship is flying to the Earth Kingdom to help burn it down. But never mind genocidal military operations, there’s a birthday to celebrate!

And that’s how we come to this scene – a beautiful comic break in the middle of the Airbender finale. Two regular guys, fully clad in masks and battle armor, making awkward small talk at a work party before plummeting into the sea. It’s almost heartbreaking when another soldier approaches, so happy that the captain remembered his birthday, only to realize seconds later as the bomb bay doors open that it was all a terrible trick.

It’s relatable, hilarious, and a desperately needed moment to breathe during a wild ride of an episode. Yes, I admit, these aren’t exactly guards in the traditional sense, but the fact that they’re voiced by the show’s two creators makes up for it, and the resulting scene is an instant classic.

And there you have it – the definitive Avatarranking everyone was clamoring for. And please, Mike and Bryan, if you’re reading this, give me a spin-off show about Aunt Wu’s doorman. He is a man of great mystery and I must know his secrets.

“Who’s your favorite character?” I hear that question come up a lot over Avatar: The Last Airbender, a show particularly near and dear to me. Iroh and Toph get tossed around a lot. Zuko is very popular. Sokka has his fans. But something I’ve noticed? Aang very rarely gets the pick. When he comes up, it’s usually in that “Oh, and also…” kind of way. Which is strange, I think, considering he’s the main character, the titular airbender, of the entire show.

I never really thought much about it until a couple weeks ago when I finished my annual re-watch of the series and found myself, for the first time, specifically focused on Aang’s arc. Somehow, I never really paid that much attention to him before. I mean sure, he’s front and center in most episodes, fighting or practicing or learning big spiritual secrets, and yet, he always feels a little overshadowed. Katara takes care of the group. Sokka makes the plans. Zuko has the big, heroic Joseph Campbell journey. Aang…goofs around. He listens and follows and plays with Momo. And yes, at the end his story gets bigger and louder, but even then I feel like a lot of it dodges the spotlight. And here’s why:

Avatar casts the least traditionally-masculine hero you could possibly write as the star of a fantasy war story. Because of that, we don’t see Aang naturally for everything he is, so we look elsewhere.

To show what I mean, I want to talk about some of the show’s other characters, and I want to start with Zuko. Zuko is the hero we’re looking for. He’s tall and hot and complicated. He perseveres in the face of constant setbacks. He uses two swords and shoots fire out of his hands. He trains with a wise old man on ship decks and mountaintops. Occasionally he yells at the sky. He’s got the whole 180-degree moral turn beat for beat, right down to the scars and the sins-of-the-father confrontation scene. And if you were going into battle, some epic affair with battalions of armor-clad infantry, Zuko is the man you’d want leading the charge, Aragorn style. We love Zuko. Because Zuko does what he’s supposed to do.

Now let’s look at Katara. Katara doesn’t do what she’s supposed to do. She doesn’t care about your traditionally gender dynamics because she’s too busy fighting pirates and firebenders, planning military operations with the highest ranking generals in the Earth Kingdom, and dismantling the entire patriarchal structure of the Northern Water Tribe. Somewhere in her spare time she also manages to become one of the greatest waterbenders in the world, train the Avatar, defeat the princess of the Fire Nation in the middle of Sozin’s Comet and take care of the entire rest of the cast for an entire year living in tents and caves. Katara is a badass, and we love that.

So what about Aang? When we meet Aang, he is twelve years old. He is small and his voice hasn’t changed yet. His hobbies include dancing, baking and braiding necklaces with pink flowers. He loves animals. He doesn’t eat meat. He despises violence and spends nine tenths of every fight ducking and dodging. His only “weapon” is a blunt staff, used more for recreation than combat. Through the show, Aang receives most of his training from two young women – Katara and Toph – whom he gives absolute respect, even to the point of reverence. When he questions their instruction, it comes from a place of discomfort or anxiety, never superiority. He defers to women, young women, in matters of strategy and combat. Then he makes a joke at his own expense and goes off to feed his pet lemur.

Now there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this, and it’s the one that shielded Aang from the heroic limelight in my eyes for ten years. The reasoning goes like this: Aang is a child. He has no presumptuous authority complex, no masculinity anxiety, no self-consciousness about his preferred pastimes, because he’s twelve. He’s still the hero, but he’s the prepubescent hero, the hero who can’t lead the charge himself because he’s just not old enough. The problem is, that reasoning just doesn’t hold up when you look at him in the context of the rest of the show.

Let’s look at Azula. Aside from the Avatar himself, Zuko’s sister is arguably the strongest bender in the entire show. We could debate Toph and Ozai all day, but when you look at all Azula does, the evidence is pretty damning. Let’s make a list, shall we?

Azula completely mastered lightning, the highest level firebending technique, in her spare time on a boat, under the instruction of two old women who can’t even bend.

Azula led the drill assault on Ba Sing Sae, one of the most important Fire Nation operations of the entire war, and almost succeeded in conquering the whole Earth Kingdom.

Azula then bested the Kyoshi Warriors, one of the strongest non-bender fighting groups in the entire world, successfully infiltrated the Earth Kingdom in disguise, befriended its monarch, learned of the enemy’s most secret operation, emotionally manipulated her older brother, overthrew the captain of the secret police and did conquer the Earth Kingdom, something three Fire Lords, numerous technological monstrosities, and countless generals, including her uncle, failed to do in a century.

And she did this all when she was fourteen.

That last part is easy to forget. Azula seems so much her brother’s peer, we forget she’s the same age as Katara. And that means that when we first meet Azula, she’s only a year older than Aang is at the end of the series. So to dismiss Aang’s autonomy, maturity or capability because of his age is ridiculous, understanding that he and Azula could have been in the same preschool class.

We must then accept Aang for what he truly is: the hero of the story, the leader of the charge, who repeatedly displays restraint and meekness, not because of his age, not because of his upbringing, not because of some character flaw, but because he chooses too. We clamor for strong female characters, and for excellent reason. But nobody every calls for more weak male characters. Not weak in a negative sense, but weak in a sense that he listens when heroes talk. He negotiates when heroes fight. And when heroes are sharpening their blades, planning their strategies and stringing along their hetero love interests, Aang is making jewelry, feeding Appa, and wearing that flower crown he got from a travelling band of hippies. If all Aang’s hobbies and habits were transposed onto Toph or Katara, we’d see it as a weakening of their characters. But with Aang it’s cute, because he’s a child. Only it isn’t, because he’s not.

Even in his relationship with Katara, a landmark piece of any traditional protagonist’s identity, Aang defies expectations. From the moment he wakes up in episode one, he is infatuated with the young woman who would become his oldest teacher and closest friend. Throughout season one we see many examples of his puppy love expressing itself, usually to no avail. But there’s one episode in particular that I always thought a little odd, and that’s Jet.

InJet, Katara has an infatuation of her own. The titular vigilante outlaw sweeps her off her feet, literally, with his stunning hair, his masterful swordsmanship and his apparent selflessness. You’d think this would elicit some kind of jealousy from Aang. There’s no way he’s ignorant of what’s happening, as Sokka sarcastically refers to Jet as Katara’s boyfriend directly in Aang’s presence, and she doesn’t even dispute it. But even then, we never see any kind of rivalry manifest in Aang. Rather, he seems in full support of it. He repeatedly praises Jet, impressed by his leadership and carefree attitude. Despite his overwhelming affection for Katara, he evaluates both her and Jet on their own merits as people. There is no sense of ownership or macho competition.

Contrast this with Zuko’s reaction to a similar scenario in season three’s The Beach. Zuko goes to a party with his girlfriend, and at that party he sees her talking to another guy. His reaction? Throwing the challenger into the wall, shattering a vase, yelling at Mai, and storming out. This may seem a little extreme, but it’s also what we’d expect to an extent. Zuko is being challenged. He feels threatened in his station as a man, and he responds physically, asserting his strength and dominance as best he can.

I could go on and on. I could talk about how the first time Aang trains with a dedicated waterbending master, he tries to quit because of sexist double standards, only changing his mind after Katara’s urging. I could talk about how Aang is cast as a woman in the Fire Nation’s propaganda theatre piece bashing him and his friends. Because in a patriarchal society, the worst thing a man can be is feminine. I could talk about the only times Aang causes any kind of real destruction in the Avatar state, it’s not even him, since he doesn’t gain control of the skill until the show’s closing moments. Every time he is powerless in his own power and guilt-ridden right after, until the very end when he finally gains control, and what does he do with all that potential? He raises the rivers, and puts the fires out.

Aang isn’t what he’s supposed to be. He rejects every masculine expectation placed on his role, and in doing so he dodges center stage of his own show. It’s shocking to think about how many times I just forgot about Aang. Even at the end, when his voice has dropped and his abs have filled in, we miss it. Zuko’s coronation comes and we cheer with the crowd, psyched to see our hero crowned. Then the Fire Lord shakes his head, gestures behind him and declares “the real hero is the Avatar.” It’s like he’s talking to us. “Don’t you get it?” he asks. “Did you miss it? This is his story. But you forgot that. Because he was small. And silly. And he hated fighting. And he loved to dance. Look at him,” Zuko seems to say. “He’s your hero. Avatar Aang, defier of gender norms, champion of self-identity, feminist icon.”

UNCLE IROH AND MASTER ZUKO IN THE SPIRIT WORLD DRINKING SOME CALMING JASMINE TEA

(Animated) You can also watch the video on my tiktok account: LADYMARIA91

Video sound mix created by me

4 extra special bending skills

Found this amazing pictures,but I dislike that Zuko is hided in the background, when it comes to lighting bending.

AVATAR MEDITATION

AVATAR WAN

AVATAR KYOSHI

AVATAR ROKU

AVATAR AANG

AVATAR KORRA

I really like Sokka and even more when he was drunk in Cactus juice I made this little short video to all of you who’s a Sokka fan like me. You can also watch it on my tiktok channel LadyMaria91

ZUKO FIREBENDING TECHNIQUE

TEAM AVATAR

Don’t ask why Sokka is missing bender or not, he should have been there anyway.

Are you curious to watch this live action series on Netflix?

It can’t become more worse than the movie

Avatar: The Last Airbender Live-Action Netflix Series Reportedly Begins Filming This Fall

‘Avatar’ Live-Action Netflix Series: Everything We Know So Far

THEFOURELEMENTS

SAMURAI AVATAR AANG

Samurai Avatar state watercolor by MyCKs on DeviantArt | Avatar poster, Avatar the last airbender art, Avatar fan art

Family Portrait

AangKataraBumiKyaTenzin

FIRELORDZUKO&UNCLEIROH IN THE SPIRIT WORLD

Zuko is on visit to see his beloved uncle, the only father he ever had in his entire life.

(You can also watch the video on my TikTok channel LadyMaria91) to give a ❤️

I must admit that tears bubbled up in my eyes when i saw Zuko crying when he hugged his uncle…

“Aang’s Voice Actor RETURNS To Talk ATLA Best Moments | Avatar: Braving the Elements”

Bluemist72

@Bluemist_72

Concept Artist + Illustrator

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