#snorts

cassywinchestertheangel:

youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:

supertrout95:

youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:

9 hours of studying and I can’t remember my own name but I can remember how to kill a man using a toothbrush so there’s that

the hell kind of classes are you taking?

I’m a forensic criminologist our slogan is “can’t run fast enough to be a serial killer so I’ll just help the police catch them”

elfwreck:

yandere-clown:

thou - subject, ie. “thou art so hung”

thee - object, ie. “i wish to jerk thee off”

thy - subject possessive, ie. “thy cock is so huge,”

thine - object possessive, ie. “that it dwarfeth thine body”

Almost. But thy vs thine as an adjective depends on whether the word following it starts with a vowel. So:

“Thy cock is so huge” but “thine ass is also magnificent.”

So it’s, “that it dwarfeth thybody.”

Thine as an absolute pronoun is different. “Her ass cheeks mayhap clappeth loud but thine clappeth to alert the guards.”

“Verily, the thiccest ass in the kingdom is thine.”

inkskinned:

me: today is going really well and i don’t trust it
some shit: *starts happening*
me: ah there it is. the Fuckening™

finalizer-psytech:

moodykyloren:

bottomkyloren:

have you ever written kylux fic in the form of a google search history

Hux’s search history: confirmed

I physically, bodily, can NOT.

argan314:

Peter Lukas is doing well

colonel-jeff-tracy:

janetm74:

colonel-jeff-tracy:

Feeling bored, thinking about getting another son.

What about a daughter?

A what?

flippyspoon:

m3n4c3v35537:

Last night my buddy said he’s off work cause of Eid al-Fitr and my other friend turned around with a concerned look and said “Adolf Hitler?”

teathattast:

watt-in-the-world:

Watts: I’m gonna die alone.

Julia: Watts, you’re not gonna die alone.

Watts: Jack was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.

Murdoch: Uh-huh. Why is that?

Watts: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.

Watts: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.

Watts: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

swaps55:

seventytwo-waterellens:

Pacific Rim is great because of the absolutely fanfiction level of its plot points. Want to pilot the giant robot? You’re going to need to share your most painful memories. Who will you share them with? YOUR CRUSH

#theres only one robot

lirio-dendron-tulipifera:

triviallytrue:

amazoogle:

happy that we’re raising awareness but you can’t make a post about this without mentioning that they collaborated for the sole reason of combining their last names like this

dear-ao3:

[image id: authors note stating ‘Disclaimer: DO NOT take this as medical advise under any circumstance. I’m an archaeologist, if I see a wounded person, they have been dead for many many years. Also don’t ask about police procedure.’ end id]

squareegg:

how horrified and disappointed do you think leon was when he first discovered ishimaru was buff as fuck

like “hell yeah i’m gonna look so impressive next to this nerd WHAT, NO”

zerotheduke:

francisxie:

horn

iamfitzwilliamdarcy:

catie-does-things:

Vader always thought the Death Star was stupid anyway so we all know once he got past the initial rage at Kenobi for hiding his child from him he was extremely proud that the rebel pilot who blew the dumb thing up turned out to be his own son.

#luke: destroying vital imperial military infrastructure #vader: you’re doing amazing sweetie (via@catie-does-things)

isherwoodj:

isherwoodj:

Would be great if past me had written a more clear outline for this scene.

no i dont

mendelssohn-kin:

mendelssohn-kin:

Medusa was kinda problematic  :/

She objectified a lot of people 

drawnecromancy:

wolfsnape:

roach-works:

roach-works:

writing is so hard i want to be praised for all my most clever lines right now

everyone is like ‘writing is so isolating’ but i write three lines and immediately hit up all my friends for attention like im a cat who’s never been fed

@flocon-tourne-en-rond not sorry

@the-lightbulb-and-the-octopus@logarithmicpanda@la-moustache-de-khadgar this is me when I write dialog that makes me laugh and then I send it to you all