#sexuality
Reminder: it is called pro- CHOICE, not pro-DEFINITELY-GETTING-AN-ABORTION. it is about allowing women or couples to CHOOSE what happens with their own bodies. It is about the fact that maybe *you* would never get an abortion, but still not shaming the fact that other people might choose to have one. It is about the fact that *you* might get an abortion but not shaming other women about deciding to go through with the pregnancy even if they are young, unmarried, or not in a condition *you* would want to have a child in. It is about choice, and respect that we all have different opinions and morals.
I’m a Christian, and partially because of that, my boyfriend and I have decided to wait until marriage until having sex. this is an idea I grew up with, and committed to at an early age, but no one told me HOW HARD it would be. we all know guys have high sex drives. no one told me girls did too. anyway, for those of you who find yourselves in the same or a similar predicament, here’s some things that have worked for me:
1. There are three paths. One leads to holding hands (e.g. bumping elbows, brushing fingers), the second leads to kissing (touching faces together), and the third leads beyond that. Know which path you’re going to choose ahead of time, and don’t start down the path that you don’t want to go along. It’s a lot easier to stay outside the gate than it is to go back once you’ve started down the path.
2. Keep yourself accountable to either a person or your journal. That will help you gauge right/wrong (i.e. if something isn’t right you’ll likely be hesitant to write down or tell someone that you’re doing it, especially if you wrote/told them ahead of time you wouldn’t do it).
3. Going backwards ISN’T THAT HARD. I was always told that once you’ve done something, you can’t stop. that’s not true at all. it’s actually easier than holding back on something to begin with because having done it removes that “forbidden fruit” effect, and you realize, oh, not doing it actually isn’t that hard. (this may not go for some of the more emotionally intimate stuff). all this to say, if you’re doing something that you want to stop but feel like it’s too late because “you can’t go backwards”, it isn’t too late.
4. Don’t keep bringing up the thing you’re trying not to do with each other. make a plan then DON’T talk about how hard it is to stay at – you’ll likely convince each other of a LOT like that.
5. Find the sweet spot, where staying back is easier than going forward. There comes a point where the self control of staying a bit back is less effort than the self control required to ‘safely’ go forward – like staying closer to the edge of a river and fighting the urge to go out further is easier than fighting the current while you’re in it.
6. NEVER do something just because other person wants to. Your dis-want is more important than their want. Similarly, you must be willing to not do something that the other doesn’t want. Don’t use the fact that the other person wants to do something as an excuse to do something you really aren’t sure you’re comfortable with
7. Avoid media that gets thoughts going. Half the battle is in your thoughts. Don’t make it harder for yourself than it needs to be.
8. Accept that you won’t get it perfect and you’ll make mistakes. It’s a learning curve, and you’ll have to make course corrections. Mistakes aren’t un-fixable. The important thing is that you learn from them and don’t let them happen again.
9. If you’re a Christian, remember that God forgives. In the words of Jesus, go, and sin no more. If you’ve messed up, ask God for forgiveness and strength, then pick yourself back up and do better.
hope this helps!
