#phdblr
Semester ended / The work starts
Back here! I had to give myself a couple of days to structure work and goals and stuff after getting back to Prague from the conference. I managed to list all the stuff I have to do in the upcoming four months (aka the “summer break”) and I’m looking forward to it!
If everything goes well, I should go to Lisbon Summer School in late June and probably one more research trip to Germany during July/August. So I really need to structure life to be able to get everything done and also go somewhere for a vacation. My partner just bought a mini cooper and it looks like a road trip vacation so far!
I really really want to be more active here, I’ve been struggling lately quite a lot and I’m getting more stable now, so it should go well. The semester is over, I have just one more paper to write for the seminars.
Letsgooooo!
M.
Utrecht Conference // day two
The day was filled with inspiring papers and great people! Initially, I wanted to socialize on both evenings of the conference, but I don’t have the mental capacity for that. I think I’ll just do dinner with some of the attendees and hit the hay as soon as I can. I’m so tired, but happy.
M.
Utrecht Conference // day one
*waves from the Netherlands*
I spent the day just walking around and prepping my conference paper for tomorrow. I feel like a giant stone dropped from my chest, I really needed this break and to see fellow PhD peers from other countries.
Also: I have a fancy hotel with a swimming pool. It’s amazing! I’m trying to rest here as much as I can.
Cheers!
M.
Last seminar of the first year
I’m done with three seminars, forever. I have only one seminar in the second year of my PhD and then some half-seminars at the other uni, but they are okay.
These were not okay, to say the least.
They were extremely toxic and I was on the verge of a panic attack the whole time when the last one was happening. And most of the other ones before.
To get some sort of conclusion, I went to the pub with my classmates afterwards and I got the last evidence that I needed to conclude they are just not very nice people. Or not nice at all.
They don’t want to do the work, they hope that “somebody is just going to employ them”, they make fun of everybody, including undergraduate students they are supposed to eventually teach.
I was just destroyed afterwards and couldn’t sleep much.
I need to rest to get over this as I’m not doing okay mental-health-wise.
I knew the first year is going to be hard, but it was mostly hard for the reasons I didn’t expect.
Hopefully, I’m actually gonna be more active here, after a bit of recovery and after-care.
(Shitposting from Utrecht and the conference I’m attending there incoming!)
M.
My abstract got accepted into a special issue of a high-impact journal! And I’m going to Aarhus for a conference in October!
This week is insane
Also, I’m gonna have my own class
This is so surreal
Okay, it just took me 10 hours to prepare a lecture on illocutionary silencing.
Hopefully, I won’t completely fuck up tomorrow.
I’m so excited to teach this!
M.
IT WENT SOOOOOOO WELL!
the students even praised me to my supervisor who’s teaching the course. And he also directly told me that I did an amazing job.
I’m in tears
Good things
Okay, it just took me 10 hours to prepare a lecture on illocutionary silencing.
Hopefully, I won’t completely fuck up tomorrow.
I’m so excited to teach this!
M.
How’s it going, babe?
Hey there, sorry for not being active once again.
I’ve been struggling with mental health and also with the funding for my compulsory internships, dealing with absent supervisor. Things got tough for a bit and I ended up with a flu. But I want to come back in full strength, so here’s the overview of what’s up:
I’m going to grad conference in Utrecht!
In less then a month, I’ll be talking (blabbering) about philosophy of language in a beautiful Utrecht. I got the funding (after some struggles) and I booked the flight and accommodation. It’s set!
I’m presenting at one other grad conference!
It’s online, so no travels, but this means that I’m gonna have my PhD duties regarding conference done. Like for both of the programs. Forever. I’ll still go to conferences, but it won’t be a duty anymore.
My consultant is finally my official supervisor!
I got rid of the guy who doesn’t give a fuck and I’m once again fully supervised by my lovely diploma thesis supervisor.
Seminars are almost over!
God, I can’t wait, there’s only three or four left (thanks to Utrecht, I don’t have to attend one other, hahaha)
I’ll keep you posted about upcoming things, hopefully posting almost daily!
M.
27/3/2022 // hard week
I was really struggling with the toxicity of academic environment this week, but I’m somewhat better now. I’m planning to finish reading a book today and brainstorm ideas for one conference paper. I hope it’ll all go smoothly.
M.
23/3/2022 // break
I went to see my nephew for the first time and I got some rest in the middle of the week. It was superb.
Hope you enjoy the crocs aesthetics. Loving the countryside.
M.
*vibing with the author for the first time in 200 pages*
17/3/2022 // catching up
Which coffee houses do I like the most? The ones, where I can sit on a window sill, like an idiot, and read stuff.
It’s good, I’m working, but also resting enough.
M.
17/3/2022 // catching up
Which coffee houses do I like the most? The ones, where I can sit on a window sill, like an idiot, and read stuff.
It’s good, I’m working, but also resting enough.
M.
Morning!
I’m mostly reading today and I’ve established an evening flashcard routine. Otherwise, I want to go for a run and clean my apartment a bit.
Also, really trying to be more active here!
M.
13/3/2022 // my own personal Waterloo
I really have to work (more specifically read more). Currently very deep I’m the procrastination spiral and trying to dig myself out.
M.
11/3/2022 // slow and steady
I’m still struggling to work, as my anxiety is through the roof, but I’m trying to work, slowly, steadily. Coping with the state of the world and my personal life is hard. Academia is hard. But I find some sort of joy in all of this.
Also, I have a nephew! I’m an aunt for the very first time! He’s 15 hours old now and as cute as they get.
M.
Break
Everything was insane and I couldn’t sleep lately, so I ended up taking a break and going to Dresden for a weekend. I’m back to work now, rested and fairly motivated. I hope this week goes smoothly.
Me & my color-coded overviews // 2/2/2022
I’ve spent most of today organizing my literature review for the dissertation and I’m much more calmer about the whole thing. It’s not super messy anymore and I know what I have to read.
I’ll be just reading tomorrow, which also feels great.
M.
January Goals
Let’s start this year! I feel pretty rested after the holidays, so this should go well. I also don’t have many seminars in January, that’s also good for overall productivity. Nevertheless, I have to hand in some compulsory assignments besides my own goals I set either myself or in cooperation with my supervisor.
- hand in a review of Mark Schroeder’s book (compulsory)
- work in the feedback of my review paper (compulsory)
- have a final draft of review study of Kathleen Stock’s book
- have a final draft of dogwhistles paper with my supervisor
- read one journal article per day
- read at least one book with my supervisor
This seems feasible now. As usual, I’ll try to get the most annoying stuff done the earliest (here that means the first two). I want to do weekly breakdowns of the goals as well to make myself stick to some sort of structure.
M.
January Review
A lot has changed, life happened to me and to my supervisor, so a couple of shifts:
hand in a review of Mark Schroeder’s book (compulsory)work in the feedback of my review paper (compulsory)- have a final draft of review study of Kathleen Stock’s book -> cancelling this one, it’s too hurtful and a waste of time, I tried
- have a final draft of dogwhistles paper with my supervisor -> still have not received the initial draft, a lot of covid shit
read one journal article per day(more or less)- read at least one book with my supervisor -> same as with dogwhistles
What I managed to do outside of this plan:
- read quite a lot
- send an abstract for a conference and planned other applications for workshops
- planned writing till August
- dealt with a lot of depression
Let’s plan February!
February Goals
- write a review of a Czech book on academic freedom
- work on representation of autism paper
- read at least one book with my supervisor (Just Words is planned!)
- submit three abstracts (Ecrea, Utrecht, Young Philosophy)
- but the main one: work on the eventually-be-published draft of my master’s thesis
Let’s goooo!
M.
Being sick of the know-it-all academic stereotype
We were assigned to write a book review for one of my PhD seminars and the assignment was like “it should be approachable for any academically trained individual” and honestly, what the fuck. I’m “academically trained” and fairly intelligent person, but I’m not gonna understand a review about Saint Augustine’s approach to religious belief. Because I’m not Augustinian scholar. That’s it.
I’m so sick of the idea that we are noble intellectuals who read philosophical journals from start to end “to keep up”. I barely have the time to keep up with my area of expertise. I really think that contemporary academia should be based on cooperation between scholars from different areas and fields, not the play pretend of every single academic being a polyhistor. It’s draining, nobody benefits from it and people who actually stop and think about it just spiral down to extreme imposter. I don’t have the time, nor the resources to know everything about everything. I’m a media and philosophy of language scholar, I haven’t got the slightest idea about philosophy of biology, I know reasonable amount of history of philosophical thought in general, but I don’t recite Plato in my sleep. Nor will I.
People who try to do everything just end up doing nothing. I’ve been there so many times in my life! And I just DETEST that the academia and most of my professors enforce this idea and constantly say that they are “broadening our horizons”. I need to focus on shit, I don’t need to constantly broaden everything. I need to work on my dissertations, and not read random reviews about books I’m never going to read. Also, it’s so shitty that somebody, who rarely publishes and reads anything is telling me that I need to work 20 hours a day to keep up.
Fuck that. Fuck all of this. I’m not continuing this generational trauma of never being “intellectual” enough.
