#otp the divine pairing
Ty: So Mom, I’m moving in with Tandy. We’re gonna do some traveling together.
Adina: I must have failed you as a mother. I’m so sorry.
Brigid: So are you two together or?
Tandy:Ridiculous.
Ty:Unrealistic.
Tandy:Unfathomable.
Ty:Ludicrous.
Brigid: So you mean to tell me that was a friendship kiss?
Ty: …You saw that?
Tandy: I was, uh, just giving him lessons.
Tandy: Mistakes were made but we won’t name names.
Ty: You crashed a monster truck, Tandy.
Tandy: MISTAKES WERE MADE-
Ty: You crashed into tHE ZOO TANDY!
Tandy: -BUT WE WON’T NAME NAMES!
Ty: TANDY THERE ARE SEVERAL LIONS ON THE LOOSE.
Tandy: There you are! You scared me half to death! Where were you? And why were you gone for so long?
Ty: You know the guy who catcalled you yesterday?
Tandy:Yeah?
Ty: I beat him up.
Tandy: you whAT?!
Tandy: Oh, stop making this all about you.
Ty: This is…my birthday party.
Tandy: Which I planned! You’re welcome.
Ty: Tandy…you really messed this up.
Tandy: Wow. How dare you hold me accountable for my actions
Tandy: It is absolutely imperative that you don’t tell anyone.
Ty: Who would I tell? I have like 2 friends and you’re one of them.
Tyrone: Tandy stay with me, you got stabbed, we have to get to a hospital-
Tandy: *literally coughing up blood* -Tyrone Johnson if you call a fucking ambulance I’m adding your name to my hit list.
Mina: Tell me something I don’t know about you.
Tandy: I pledge allegiance to Tyrone Johnson every morning.
Mina: I said something I don’t know.
No one:
Tyrone: YOU ARE TANDY FRICKEN BOWEN YOU BOSS ASS BITCH GET UP AND CUT THIS JERK DOWN
No one:
Tandy: Tyrone Johnson is a MAN and he is brave and strong and resilient. He saved me and I love him more than anything in this world okay?
Ty: Waffles or pancakes?
Tandy: OMG are you asking me out???
Ty: I’m signing you up for therapy. Do Monday’s work?
Tandy: Uh I think not! Last time I tried therapy I got kidnapped by literal sex traffickers. Therapy is the reason I now need therapy!
Ty: So that’s a no for Monday’s?
Tandy: Does it count as murder if the person you’re killing is a fundamentally terrible person?
Ty: Nah, I consider it serving the community.
Tandy: So you and Evita…are you together or?
Ty: It’s complicated.
Tandy: So is that a no-?
Ty: Well she married a loa so I think it’s safe to say I’m out of the picture.
Anyone: *hurts Tandy*
Ty: I’m about to end this dude’s whole career
Samedi: He paid me with his worries.
Tandy: Worries?? Boy do I have a fucking deal for you. I’ve got more worries than you’ll know what to do with!
Samedi:Bu-
Tandy: I just escaped human traffickers motherfucker, I could own this place with the number of worries I have to offer!
Tandy: Your collection of women’s misery???
Andre: Not misery. Despair. There’s a subtle but distinct difference. Technically misery is defined as-
Tandy: -Are you really correcting my grammar right now?
Tandy, after she realizes Ty is alive: TYRONE JOHNSON I HATE YOU
Ty: What?! Why??
Tandy: NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
*Ty and Tandy babysitting*
Tandy: I’ll go make them some food, just try and keep them entertained till I’m done, okay?
Ty: Why do I have to entertain them?
Tandy: Because I have a knife and you can make things disappear. Would you rather I teach them how to play with pointy objects?
Ty: *pouting* no.
Ty: You ready to go? Tandy-
…
…
Why are you wearing a towel?
Tandy: What? I thought you said we were going swimming???
Ty: Yeah. Swimming not skinny dipping. There is a difference. Usually people wear swim suits too.
Tandy: Ohhhh see I thought- ya know what, never mind!
Ty: In the future if one of us disappears for a while can we just assume something terrible happened?
Tandy: I feel like high stakes is kind of our style anyway, right?
Tandy: You know that show, Sex sent me to the ER?
Ty: Yeah those couples are so dumb-
Tandy: All I’m saying is…if you wanna *wink* send me to the ER- ya got my permission *finger guns*
Ty:o-o…..……..
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ty: Okay, so there’s a few problems with your plan. Actually more than a few.
Tandy: What? Nah this is gonna work.
Ty: If you have to tell me there’s a 78 percent chance we’re gonna die it’s not a good plan.
I couldn’t imagine my life without you.
Tandy: We need a signal.
Ty: A what?
Tandy: So that if one of us is in trouble the other one will know.
Ty: I mean I think we’ve been doing it alright.
Tandy: Okay but you didn’t get sold into human trafficking. We need a signal.
Ty: You know on second thought we really need a signal-
Tandy: Oh. My. Gosh. Is this your diary???
Ty: What- hEY PUT THAT DOWN!
Tandy: *flipping the pages* No WAY you write poems?
Ty: Poems? Uh, no those aren’t-
Tandy: Oooh this one has my name on it.
Ty: ThAT’S not about you-it’s uh-it’s about a different Tandy!!!
Season 1 vibes
Tandy: What if I had the cloak and you had the daggers? How different do you think our lives would be?
Ty: Tandy, you don’t need ANOTHER tool to steal from people.
Ty: Shit, I think I’m gonna throw up-
Tandy: Don’t TELL me! Teleport to a trash can like a sane person!
Ty + Tandy + the ambulance
Tandy:I’m ready to go!
Ty: Uh, no you’re not. Tandy, I mean it when I say your face is truly and legitimately purple.
Tandy: Oh, that. Yeah I had a face mask mishap. It’ll be back to normal in like 2 weeks.
Ty: No…no no I refuse to be seen in public as Cloak and Eggplant.
“Imagine if men were as disgusted with rape as they are with periods.”
—Tandy Bowen, reflecting on her life
*On the bus*
Ty: *whispering* Hey…hey Tandy?
Tandy:Mmhmm?
Ty: Will you switch spots with me?
Tandy: I thought you wanted the aisle seat?
Ty: The woman across from me smells like ham.
Tandy: Ooh…that sounds like a you problem. Goodnight. Sweet dreams porkers.
Ty: Tandy…I think I screwed something up really bad so don’t freak out when I tell you-
Tandy:FINALLY THE DAY HAS COME!
Ty:Huh?
Tandy: Thank goodness! I’m so tired of being the one who always causes the problems.
