I still think about the person on twitter who thought that Pennywise was living in Derry, Ireland every waking second of my life.
If I think about a Derry Girls au too long, I literally pass out. It’s like, what if the Losers were 8 times stupider and more chaotic? It’s all I’ve ever wanted!!
Like I don’t even know how you would even plot this fic out? Literally all 5 of them would encounter Pennywise and immediately scream and try to hit him with the nearest object?? Like Pennywise would starve to death in Derry. All the kids would throw hands the second they saw him.
“Are ye saying you saw a clown, Michelle?”
“Aye, it was a fecking clown, Claire.”
“But, clowns aren’t even scary!”
“Aye, I know that, and I told the wee bastard as much, then he grew a bunch of fangs, like, total cracker actually if ye think about it.”
“Have none of you considered that a grown man dressed like a clown hiding in the sewers who wants to eatchildren might be something to take at least a littlebit seriously?!?”
“Ach, seriously, fuck off James, go be a craic killer somewhere else!”
“Have ye considered James that maybe the clown is more afeared of us, than we are a him?”
“No, Orla, I hadn’t considered that, thank you.”
“Okay girls, I think we’re all missing the point here! You said that he grew fangs!??! Are you sure you weren’t just a wee bit blackout drunk?!”
“Well to be fair, I was boking all over myself, Erin, to be sure, yeah.”
___
“What’s this I hear about a man dressed like a clown in the sewers?”
“But da you don’t think our Erin is daft enough to play in the sewers do ye?”
“I’m sure it’s just an urban legend, Joe.”
“You watch your tone with me boy! I’ll not have some wee Southern shite tell me what’s real and what’s myth!”
“I tell ya it’s real! As real as my right hand, swear to God!”
“Erin! I don’t want you goin anywherenear no man approachin wains dressed like a clown!”
“But don’t you think the whole affair of dressing up as a clown like, is a wee bit… gay? Uh- I mean no offense son.”
the classic Finnish mix of extreme dutifulness and “we will make actual conversation after a silent interaction trial period of 6 weeks, thank you” can be really funny sometimes. told my coworker that I’d like to save the coffee grounds the workplace generated and take them home “for my mushrooms and worms” and she was just like “okei” and dutifully saved every single grounds-filled filter for weeks and weeks. about five weeks into this whole thing, after I thank her for the coffee grounds and tell her my worms must love them because they’re breeding very enthusiastically, she finally asks “so your worms… do they have a purpose or are they just… worms”. like sure I’ll save you all these coffee grounds every single time I drink coffee, 3+ times a day, but god forbid I inquire about your specific worm habits before propriety allows it. you could be eating them for breakfast for all I know but that’s yourbusiness
this post has been up for so long I’m at a new workplace now, and here’s a new one: someone finally getting a close enough look at the jar of homemade nut butter I’d been using to make snacks for days (in a reused jar, still with the pesto label on it), realising the contents were not as advertised, and saying with poorly concealed relief “ai!!! you weren’t spreading pesto on bananas!” like she’d been quietly dying inside the whole time but had grimly committed herself to never ever presuming to ask wtf was going on
oh yeah have i ever told yall of the academic war i have been an unwilling soilder in for the past two years
okay SO. i have two professors that both teach this one subject, but different classes. they have different last names, so i didnt know this at first and espically since they are academic RIVELS at my school, but they are MARRIED. but for the past 8 years they have been in an academic WAR of geospatical sciences data. more accurately, the raster vs vector data debate. i am personally on the side of “both have their pros and cons and can be utalizied to the utmost efficency” but both professors are like, DEADLOCKED in insistanting one is better then the other
so, professor A is my mentor. i like him a lot, and he was the main person that taught me the most abotu Eris and ArcGIS. professor B is a professor i had one for class, and shes nice and knows a lot of little tricks about Eris programming but mostly relies on arcMAP because shes the raster data professor.
and THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. have written no less then 30 papers that is basically like a “re: re: re: re: re: re: vector data is better then raster fuck you” but like, Professionally. and they leave stupid notes in the footnotes that read “Reguardless of Professor A’s opinions reguarding the efficency of Vector data, Raster data has a more efficant polygon computing rate and is the most commonly used program on interplantaring mapping” and its HILARIOUS
ive read all of their papers, and its basically like reading an email chain between a married couple arguing over the colors of the kitchen backsplash for their new home. its HILARIOUS. but obviously, because of their differnet last names and because they act like they HATE each other, NOT VERY MANY PEOPLE REALIZES THEYRE MARRIED
until like LAST WEEK
professor B publishes a paper that casually drops the word “husband”
and obviously all the students are like “oh i didnt know u were married!” because we read that shit like how white suburban mothers read People Magazine
and shes like “yeah, its Professor A”
and we all FLIPPED. THE FUCK. OUT
we thought the framed picture of the two of them on professor A’s desk was ironic because hes that type of guy
like, you gotta undestand. these two have gotten into YELLING matches in hallways. these two refuse to go onto trips with each other. but apparently they have a system where they quite LITERALLY leave all of their work at work and drive home in seperate cars and literally NEVER mention work at home. it is SO funny
Can someone please explain to me what evaporated milk is? Wouldn’t that just be gas by definition? I live in constant fear
no no it’s what left behind after the milk has been evaporated cuz only the water goes, not the other stuff
THERE’S WATER IN MILK?
WHAT DID YOU THINK THE LIQUID WAS?
IDK ISNT MILK ITS OWN LIQUID?
NO
IT’S MILK-STUFF MIXED WITH WATER
MILK STUFF? DOESNT IT JUST COME FROM THE COW’S TIT?
ITS LIKE TIT JUICE, THERE IS WATER IN JUICE AND THERE IS WATER IN MILK
It’s fat droplets suspended in water, with some nutrients and soforth dissolved in it. You know, like ranch dressing.
Evaporated milk is just dehydrated milk.
Obsessed with the user who assumed milk was its own element on the periodic table
As op I felt like I had to make this
Milk, the forbidden 119th element
the only question left is if it’s a metal, non-metal, or metalloid.
OP seems to have classified it as a special case of halfnium, reclassified as a lanthanide. This has fascinating implications for electron orbital geometry.
Anyway it’s a rare earth metal apparently.
Yes I definitely classified it intentionally and knew exactly what I was doing when I put it with the lanthanides because I am never wrong
MILKIS A RARE EARTH METAL
I thought so, I took one look at your classification and immediately thought “this is definitely someone with a deep understanding of how the periodic table works”
I’m glad that we have reached a consensus on the expected elemental properties of milk
That would involve writing a crash course in how suborbitals work on a post about whether water (the primary ingredient in milk) is in milk and even for tumblr that’s going a bit far
no, it is absolutely not going too far
You guys always complain that you don’t get to learn stuff in normal ways and then you come asking for this
MILK IS SEVERAL COMPOUNDS PLEASE YALL ARE KILLING ME OVER HERE
We have a container of dry milk because in addition to a little fat and sugars, it contains proteins, which settle into the pores of nitrocellulose membranes, making sure analytical proteins (specific antibodies) don’t get trapped. We could just use casein (one of the proteins in milk), but milk is much cheaper and can also be found at Walmart.
No milk is a lanthanide keep up
lanthanide?
I think you mean lactanide
I will put lego in all of your shoes
A cube of milk with 3 inches of edge length can blow up the galaxy.
Our galaxy is actually the result of such an explosion, that’s why we call it the Milky Way
this is a unique sort of thread in which you’ll find two types of people exclusively: nerds and dumbasses
Enter OCEAN EYES and NOT DEAD YET, two of the king’s most quarrelsome stablehands.
OCEAN May one explain what powdered milk doth be? Is it not gas? I live in constant fear.
NOT DEAD The water flees to air, the rest is left. The dry debris then forms the powdered milk.
OCEAN Thou sayest water doth reside in milk?
NOT DEAD Pray tell what thou believ’st the liquid is?
OCEAN Is milk not one pure substance in itself?
NOT DEAD No; ‘tis only milk-stuff mixed with water.
OCEAN Yet milk appears from living cows’ own tits!
NOT DEAD ‘Tis juice from tits, yet water still it holds. If water be in juice, then ‘tis in milk.
Enter DERIN, the scarlet pescatarian.
DERIN ‘Tis drops of fat afloat in water, As if ‘twas dressing for thy greens. With water gone, the powdered milk remains.
A NOTE attached to an arrow, written by BURNING BRAND, flies through the window.
BURNING BRAND’S NOTE Obsessed with he who foolishly believ’d That milk is element of chemistry.
The NOTE crumbles to ash. BURNING BRAND is not seen again.
OCEAN As he who instigated such a fight, I felt that this creation was my duty.
OCEAN unrolls a scroll of parchment with a flourish.
OCEAN Behold, ‘tis milk, one hundred and nineteen.
Enter JASON FUNDER BERKER, a frog.
JASON FUNDER BERKER And yet the burning question still remains: ‘Tis metal, not, or somewhere in between?
JASON FUNDER BERKER does not wait to hear the answer, and exits.
DERIN A lanthinide! A special case, I see. How fascinating, geometrically. But let us leave atomic musings be. For milk is a rare metal of our Earth.
OCEAN Of course it is, for I am always right. My choices are, of course, deliberate.
DERIN I do not doubt thou speakest truth, my lord Thy brilliant mind is utterly unmatch’d. It seems that an agreement has been reach’d.
OCEAN Of course; however, in sincerity I wish to know thy scholar-driven thoughts.
DERIN I fear ‘twould be beyond thy comprehension. To teach to thee would take this much too far.
Exit OCEAN, in a huff. Enter JESIN, BOOP BOOP, FLIPOCRITE, VELVET, and LOVELY DREAMS, curious onlookers attracted to the scene.
JESIN Do teach us, it would not take this too far!
DERIN Ye all complain of learning strangely, Then ask me baiting questions such as this!
BOOP BOOP Thy gross ineptitude shall be my death! Milk is formed of small component parts. The fat, the sugars, proteins all combine They seep through pores of membranes in this drink Unpleasant compounds all are filter’d out. All this obtained for small amounts of coin.
DERIN No, milk is lanthanide, pray keep the pace.
FLIPOCRITE The word thou mean’st is lactanide, I think.
DERIN May sharpened pain-shaped stones fill up thy shoes So that thou never know’st a moment’s peace.
VELVET A cube of milk, three inches on each side Could blow up the entire galaxy.
DERIN Our galaxy was formed in such a fashion. ‘Tis why we gave it name of “Milky Way.”
LOVELY DREAMS Thus ends our entertainment for the night Here fools and pompous scholars come to fight.
Exuent, pursued by a cow.
(Shakespearean adaptation format inspired by @mortimermcmirestinks in this post)
Youpeople have no right to be this funny on my dash so early in the morning
