[ID: image of hebrew text detailing the bracha (jewish blessing) for seeing exceptionally strange-looking people or animals:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהֵוָהֵ, אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעולָם מְשַנֶּה הַבְּרִיּוֹת Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, m’shaneh ha-briyot. Blessed are You, HaShem* our G-d, Sovereign of the Universe, who makes creatures different.]
*lowers my head in reverence* Baruch ata Adonai-
[ID: rimonoroni added a picture of an amphibian, possibly a pignose frog, with a very wide, lumpy, grey-pink body, a very small pointy pink nose and small pale eyes. /id]
Some Jewish kids go to Narnia and the White Witch is endlessly frustrated because she wants to make it always winter but never Hanukkah, but she doesn’t follow the Hebrew calendar so she can’t accurately predict when it’s supposed to be.
I was going to scroll past this but then I stopped to think about it and now I just have to ask:
would Elijah show up in this version of the story to give the kids swords and wine?
“But why won’t you give me a weapon?” asked Lucy. “I’m sure I could fight if I needed to.”
“Because you have not yet reached the age of bat mitzvah,” said the prophet. “I would not place such responsibility upon you before our laws count you as ready.”
Purim: They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s tell the story, wear silly costumes, and get wasted. (Optional: have a carnival or a play!)
Passover: They enslaved us, God freed us. Remember this via a big ceremony/feast and then don’t eat bread for a week. This is a big one; you’re going to have to clean your house and host all your relatives.
Tu B'Shevat: It’s Earth Day, let’s eat some fruit.
Simchas Torah: We read the entire Torah every year, and we got to the end! Let’s have a dance party and then start all over again!
Tisha B'Av: They destroyed our temples. That sucked.
Rosh HaShanah: Happy New Year! It’s time to ask (and grant) forgiveness for the wrongs done in the past year, pledge to do better, and wish for a sweet new year. And go to synagogue for HOURS.
Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShanah’s somber counterpart. God decides on this day your fate for the next year. Repent your sins, hope for forgiveness, and fast. (And go to synagogue for HOURS.)
Yom HaShoah: Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Sukkot: Harvest festival! Sleep in a hut under the stars.
Shemini Atzeret: Man, I don’t even know?
Shavuot: God gave us the Torah! That was pretty nice of him.
Chanukah: They busted up our temple and tried to forcibly convert us. We responded with guerilla warfare. Let’s eat some fried food. Candles!
So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.
Yup. Or as we say, “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.”
Rabbi Angela Buchdahl is the first Asian American rabbi, and one of only a handful of women rabbis in the U.S. She was voted last week to succeed Rabbi Peter Rubenstein as the leader of Manhattan’s Central Synagogue. She takes over leadership of the congregation on July 1.
This time of year is always very nostalgic for me bc I used to be the Token Gentile at an office and every few months there’d be a Jewish holiday and my friend would be like “Hey, I need you to do Gentile things for us” and I’d be like hell yes dude. Gentile Things often meant I’d sign things in exchange for a few dollars on venmo but Pesach was a special time for me because it meant everyone gave me boxes of pasta, cereal, and other baked goods. The first time my friends were like “Hey for reasons we won’t bother getting into we’re going to give you all of our bread” I was like, it is a powerful responsibility but as an Ally I cannot refuse. Best time of the year, frankly
This was jsut a flatbread. I’d probably make it again, but with more cheese. Needs to remind me of something from bertucci’s
Also they use pork fat for this??? Is that kosher?? I thought all pig was offlimits. Have the peeps taught you nothing?
Anyways, that’s the cooking for this week. Let me know what you thought! Do you want to hear any more about any particular dish? Do you want to hear about anything else related to Jewish cooking? Feel free to send me an ask if you’re so inclined!
Much love to y’all and Happy Passover to those who celebrate ^_^
This recipe was created by Yotam Ottolenghi. It’s pretty nice but it required like…so much parsley and cilantro in it. The oxtail was also pretty good, but I think I’d try to fix this next time by incorporating some flour into the broth so it could thicken up more. That being said, it is currently a giant lump it seems in the refrigerator because all of the fat has coagulated on top. Which is partly disgusting and partly impressive.
This salad was pretty nice, but honestly functions better as a chilled side dish. It’s just carrots that get boiled briefly and then get a nice sauce on top of them. The cumin and the cinnamon pair nicely against each other well, rather intriguing! The spiciness of both work to bring each other out and really helped take the cinnamon out of the context of a dessert. Not surprising maybe because the recipe hails from Morocco.
One of the most important parts of Passover to me is the removal of wine from our glasses for each of the ten plagues because we are not supposed to take pleasure in the suffering of others, even those who oppressed us. It’s an important lesson we shouldn’t forget. Schadenfreude is poison for the soul.
Announcing Jew in the City’s 2015 Orthodox Jewish All Stars!!
Baroness Rosalind Altmann, U.K. minister of pensions; Ahmed Zayat, owner of American Pharoah, the first Triple Crown-winning thoroughbred racehorse in thirty-seven years; and Ilana Wernick, Emmy winning co-executive producer of the hit TV series Modern Family, are among 10 individuals who have been named 2015 Orthodox Jewish All- Stars by Jew in the City, the organization dedicated to re-branding Orthodox Judaism to the world through digital media.
This diverse and accomplished group also includes Jeremy England, a 33- year- old physicist and professor at MIT who some in the scientific community refer to as ‘the next Darwin’ on account of his brilliant mathematical theories and explanations of the origins of life; Lawrence Burian, general counsel, secretary, and executive vice president for The Madison Square Garden Company; Zahava Reisman, founder of Sarah Chloe Jewelry, who has built a devoted following of the Hollywood elite in six short years; Gregory Zuckerman, an award-winning business reporter for the Wall Street Journal; Gail Hoffman, the treasurer of Columbia University; Norm Eisen, who served as the United States Ambassador to the Czech Republic from 2011-2014; and Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg, a 2014 CNN Hero who created Kids Kicking Cancer (in which he combines therapy and martial arts to help children fighting disease).
At U.S. Ping-Pong Open, Orthodox Estee Ackerman Ranks 6th
Keeping up with 13 year old Estee Ackerman takes work. After being named one of our Orthodox Jewish All Stars last year (here) she has only gained momentum. Estee is now ranked 6th for Cadet girls (15 years and under) for table tennis in the United States. She got this ranking after competing in the winter U.S. Nationals. The winter is a rough time for a teenage ping-pong champ, because training often takes a backseat to schoolwork. The U.S. Open, however, takes place during the summer – leaving Estee endless hours to train. It’s a good thing too, for the Open is made up of 100 events with 1100 people from 35 different countries.
Shabbos Chazon: Why John Lennon’s “Imagine” Is Messianic
Who was famous for imagining a perfected world – a world of peace and universal brotherhood? Why none other than John Lennon of the Beatles – a famous atheist! “Imagine” is considered the anthem for atheists, yet once you get past the parts about “no religion,” look at what this “atheist” wants to us imagine:
Howard Stern’s Daughter Became Orthodox ; Wells of Miriam
Like most people on planet earth, I’ve known who Howard Stern is for years, though, I’ve never really listened to his show or watched more than an occasional clip of “America’s Got Talent.” Then my friend Mayim Bialik was interviewed on his radio show last year and, of course, I had to hear it. What struck me most about their conversation was Mayim explaining Jewish ideas to Howard – like mikvah and modesty – publicizing these mitzvos to millions of his listeners. Howard challenged Mayim, wanting to know why she covers up so much – unlike most actresses in Hollywood – and Mayim explained that her body belongs to her, not Hollywood. Apparently, Howard was so struck by this idea that the next morning when he started his show he referenced it.
Howard Stern didn’t cross my mind again until a couple months ago, when I stumbled upon a poet whose work is featured in the LA Jewish Journal. A line in one of her poems jumped out at me “Why in the world why in the heavens when God says find a mate, Adam never stops to say, You, God. Us. ” It was so profound, I wanted to hear more. So I started clicking through to read more of her work and as I read, I got to an article which explained who her dad was. I was fascinated! Howard Stern’s daughter became an Orthodox Jew?! I reached out to her, we had a wonderful coffee meeting and told her I’d love to share her story and her art with the world.
How One Orthodox Jewish Mom Told Her Kids About Birds & Bees
Worrying doesn’t just run in the women of my family – it does marathons. And after hearing about a child abuse case in a pre-school California in the early 80’s, my mother was terrified of all the horrible ways my sisters and I could be kidnapped, killed, and molested (though not necessarily in that order). So she decided she ought to bring up “bad touching” pronto. But before she could address “bad touching,” she thought it only right to tell us kids – we were five and six at the time – about how good touching worked. So she sat us down on our family room couch one evening, gave us the basics, fielded a couple follow up questions, and without any pomp or circumstance, we had had “the talk.”
