Instead of making up shitty racist headcanons about Miles shoplifting join me in headcanoning him picking up ballet because he thought Gwen being a ballerina was super neat and it would help him in his spiderman job
Spider strength he can’t control + Lifts = Hilarity
Miles, muttering to himself: do not yeet the ballerina. do NOT yeet the ballerina
Jumps. JUMPS.
Miles frantically googling “How high can normal people jump??? How high can ballerinas jump?????? I don’t think I’m supposed to be able to jump straight up to the ceiling and also I keep getting stuck up there please help”
Once Mile’s spider sense pinged lightly about a balcony set and he told the crew master he had a bad feeling about it. The balcony collapsed later. No one was hurt, but now Miles has to go over sets and pronounce them clear of ‘bad feelings’
He’s not even good enough to be in shows yet, but nothing goes out without his seal of approval
honestly I have known so many stage managers and props department people who are Exactly This Superstitious. (And hell, in this case they’re not even wrong he literally has magic danger powers)
I’ve also known a few dancers, and without exception the reaction to finding out this boy can effortlessly hold them in a single arm lift or YEET them dozens of feet in the air (And catch them after!) would be PURE GLEE.
“Okay, Glynda, look, we all know he’s Spiderman. Kid’s terrible at hiding it. But imagine this. None of us tell him we know and none of us tell him how high ballerinas can really throw their partners. And each class we just keep on pretending like we’re impressed with how fast he’s improving but, y'know, he’s still got further to go.”
“Uhuh, yeah, I see that look in your eyes Glynda. You know exactly where I’m going with this. How high do you think Spiderman can throw you?”
“Okay, Glynda, stop giggling, the giggling is creepy. Dessie, please make her stop giggling.”
This is wonderful
One day, in the middle of ballet class, there was a robbery going on a block away, so of courseMiles’ gotta rush over there to help out. He grabs his mask, but doesn’t have time to put on his whole suit because he said he was going to the bathroom and it’s be weird if he was gone for so long.
Cue Spider-Man kicking ass in pink ballet shoes and leggings.
This actually increased his popularity severely, and lots of people suddenly gained the interest in ballet; boys too, because if someone as cool as Spider-Man does it, everyone can do it.
When he’s back the instructors don’t comment on the rip in his shirt, the dirt on his shoes, or the smear of paint on his leggings. They make sure to treat the class afterwards. After all, it’s not every day that Spider-Man stops a bunch of bankrobbers and manages to do a high pirouette withoutcrashing through the ceiling this time!
This keeps getting better!
Someone: *Attempts to comment on how weird it is that Miles can throw Glenda high enough she can touch the roof with her palm*
The Stage Manager:
Ballet companies starting rumours that Spiderman doesn’t actually has super powers, he’s just classically trained
You too could scale buildings if you would just practice regularly and focus on your core
Why does “you too could scale buildings if you would just practice regularly and focus on your core” sound like something my old ballet teacher would have said?
Jefferson:“Um… we got a fortune teller here. Looks like shes been murdered. We still don’t know why, we were hoping you could help us with that, detective.”
The original eulogy MJ wanted to give for RIPeter: “We’re all here because SOMEBODY had to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the universe and then up and DIED”
