It’s implied in the aftermath of Steven sacrificing himself to Homeworld that–after realizing that doing what Rose would have wanted and doing right by Steven might be mutually exclusive–Pearl chooses Steven. It’s as a direct result of this that, in Gemcation, she tells himthat she wants to tell him everything, and then in A Single Pale Rose, she figures out a way to do it. And her emotion afterward isn’t framed as angst at disobeying–it’s framed as relief. In Reunited, she’s finally able to admit to herself, “I do it for me!” And in Change Your Mind, she comes off as free–in a way that has always been an aspiration for her, but that I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen. It’s as if she’s finally accepted Rose’s death (symbolized, perhaps, by her new form?)
It’s as if, in choosing Steven in the here and now over her memory of Rose at the beginning of the season, Pearl chose life,even in the midst of the tremendous loss she feels and continues to feel. She chooses life–and in this way, is finally able to accept her loss, and is finally able to be free.
I’m just so proud of her.
Okay, I’ve been stewing on this arc–and Pearl’s arc throughout the show and pre-canon–and I want to add on to this a little bit. I’ve written a bit about this in a few places-both meta and fic (for the latter, mainly Cyclesand my new piece Moving On), but something I think is clear is that Pearl’s relationship with Rose, especially after Pink Diamond became Rose all the time, wasn’t just about love. (Though the love is real,even if it originally developed at least in-part out of Pearl’s programmed devotion to her Diamond.) Her relationship with Rose was also about identity.
Pink’s “shattering” also represents a shattering of the paradigm of Pearl’s entire existence and identity-framework. She was Pink Diamond’s Pearl…and now, without that, what is she? And that’s terrifying. And to cope, I think, she makes a shift. She loves Rose Quartz already, so she decides–perhaps subconsciously–that thatis her new identity. What is she? She’s someone who loves Rose Quartz.
And she keeps this identity for the next five thousand years. It’s why she’s so threatened by Greg–he represents a threat to her being able to enact that identity. And even after Rose dies to give birth to Steven, this is her identity, though now how she enacts it is by honoring Rose’smemoryin every way possible. In the extended intro, while Garnet and Amethyst both mentioning fighting for something, Pearl says only: “I will fight in the name of Rose Quartz and everything that she believed in.” What does she,Pearl, fight for? What does shewant? It doesn’t matter. Only what Rose wanted did.
This is also the answer to the question she asks herself in “It’s Over Isn’t It,” as to why she can’t move on. Because to “move on” from the sense of immediate grief that she’s still holding would again represent the destruction of her identity.
But, like I said, Steven’s sacrifice at the end of Season 4, when Pearl realizes that she might have to choose between honoring Rose’s memory and doing right be Steven, she chooses Steven. In realizing that she wants to choose Steven, she realizes that she is capable of wanting. She is even capable of wanting things that are in direct contradiction to what Rose wants.
InGemcation,when she tries to tell Steven the truth, she says:
“There are things that are impossible for me to explain. But I want to. I–”
And then, in A Single Pale Rose, after Steven finally doesknow the truth, she says:
“I’vewanted to tell you for so long.”
Pearlwants. She’s wanted. She has desires all her own. And if that’s the case, she realizes, if she has desires independent of Rose, she must also have motivations independent of Rose, as she realizes (with a little help from Steven!) in Reunited:
“I do it for me!”
What is she fighting for? She finally has an answer. She’s fighting for herself.
And if she has motive–if she can fight for herself–she must have a self!! One that’s independent of Rose. And we finally see that embodied in her new form–and her utterly new contentment–in Change Your Mind.
And if that’s the case, Pearl is finally, finally truly free to be herself. She’s free to discover and create who she is. She’ll never stop missing Rose or loving her, but missing and loving Rose is no longer all she is.
Ugh I’m so proud of her!
The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that this is like the exact opposite of what Ruby learns in The Question before deciding to ask Sapphire to marry her.
Ruby tells Steven:
“Sapphire was always there with me. I feel her smile just like it was mine. And now…gah! That’s lame, right? I came here to be my own Gem, but I’m still thinking about what she’d like, what she’dwant! All. The time.”
It’s not a perfect parallel—there are marked differences in the relationship between Ruby and Sapphire and that between Pearl and Rose. And there are marked differences between Ruby and Pearl themselves. But here, too, Ruby seems to think that “being one’s own Gem” and being in love and like actively concerned with the desires and needs and wants of the person one loves are mutually exclusive concepts. For Ruby, she’s decided she wants to be her own Gem, and feels like she therefore can’t let go of that love. Pearl had the opposite problem–the love was non-negotiable, and she’d thought that meant that she couldn’t be her own person.
In both scenarios, and in different ways, it’s Steven that helps each of them realize that you can be your own person within a relationship. That these things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Season 5 is just big for everyone finding agency and selfhood in their relationships with others!!! yay!
(There’s more I wanna think about parallels between Ruby and Pearl and their relationships @meskime gets at this a little in their incredible fic goodbye to the river joining the creek,but this seems like an less-tapped-than-it-might-be well…)
TOP 50 FEMALE CHARACTERS (as voted by my followers) #34. katherine pierce (the vampire diaries) “Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness. No matter how easy it is to turn it off, it keeps trying to fight its way back in. Sometimes I let it.”
“I seek love, yet I hide from it when it reaches out.
I seek the warmth of a lover but cower when it surrounds me.
I seek the words laced with honey but accept those filled with poison.
I seek eyes filled with adoration but find an empty space in front of me.
I seek someone in my sheets, my hands roaming to find someone, but only stumble upon blankets and cold sheets.
I seek a smile but find myself drowning in tears.
I seek a life filled with love but find myself running away when it finds me.
I wish upon the stars to find what I am seeking to find me before I yield and cower again.
I pray there comes a day where I’ll stumble upon all the things I yearn for and that the warmth, the smile will grab me with so much strength that I will have no choice but to accept it with everything in me.
Because for once, I’ll allow the love I run away from to fill me up with everything I wished upon the stars, and for once, I’ll smile without any fear.
It’ll look me in the eyes and tell me that what I had been seeking was just waiting for me to accept myself and be free of the chains.
The smile and the crinkle beside their eyes will tell me that I was everything they too were seeking for, and they were glad we found each other in a place that had no place of running away.
I seek for you, and I pray you also seek for me.
I wish upon the stars that when we find each other, it will all be enough.
Because baby, you’re all my wishes upon the stars.”
“Today marks the 11th anniversary since Coraline premiered. A lot has changed since then, but it’s nice to see some things are still the same… in the Other World!”
“Good morning, you will always be my fav person no matter what.. you are so beautiful and lovely, amazing, and wonderful, and well.. I just love you so much!!”
Wake up sweetheart, life has brought us a brand new day.. I wish to see you smile, I wish, I wish - eUë
I miss you so fucking much. I cant stop dreaming of you, I want to feel your comfort again. I hate how you hate me. I hate how much i need you, I want you so bad, but youve already found another heart, and she better treat you well.
you can’t imagine the grin on my face when i both saw that you had me and when i read your beautiful story (i smiled so wide my cheeks were hurting)
this was absolutely breathtaking from start to finish and you have such a way with words i’m literally at loss for words and i wish i could praise you until i can’t type anymore but it was so perfect that i can’t seem to find the right words right now! i just— i will never be able to thank you enough for this beautiful writing, you are more talented that i will ever be able to emphasize.
i’ve said it times and times again but i’ll say it once more: you have no idea how much i love you and admire you; this is yet another proof of it. i hope you had the most wonderful of christmases and i hope that this new year will bring you everything you’ve always wanted. i adore you so so much, thank you for this gift i’ll treasure forever.❤️
Pictures from the press conference at Yankee Stadium today, where legendary Yankee catcher Jorge Posada formally announced his retirement from baseball.
I got a little carried away because I was super excited that @studyofawearymind wrote the beginnings of a movie theatre Javi fic titled meet me in theatre 3, so here he is imagined in a little vest and saying hello!
LOOK AT THIS SWEET AND HANDSOME MAN !!!! ❤️❤️❤️
maia - i love you i adore you thank you so much for doing this! i’m still not over it and i don’t think i ever will be tbqh. the colours you chose, the uniform, his curls, the shy little wave, and his expression !! he’s absolutely perfect
So, you probably know already how grateful I am of being here because of One Piece and Oda. Thanks to him I also met one of my besties, @kwnblack.
I can’t express in words how much I love you my sweet friend, I am genuinely so grateful for destiny. And I mean, every single thing that happened since I decided to watch/read OP to appearing here writing and filling voids in my heart that reality have created. And by doing so, I met a wonderful person, a person who is a true NAKAMA. She is always for me when I need her and I’m doing this publicly -I’m sorry I know you must be already tearing up- to tell her HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!!
Today -after fighting with my stupid post office- I received finally a package from her all the way from Greece to my house!!!
My sweetest Kwny, thank you SO MUCH FOR THIS. I love you, SO MUCH!
Please, everybody take a look at the beautiful fan art she does, isn’t she ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED ARTISTS IN THE WORLD?Sabo lovers, I suggest you dig in her blog, cause there is SAUCE.
Once again, I hope my next post about us would be the moment I get my ticket and it says “DESTINATION: ATHENS, GREECE”. I’ll be soon there to hug you, SO FUCKING TIGHT! I LOVE YOU!!!
THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY LIFE A A LIFE SO WORTH LIVING!!
I am so bad with words expressing love and gratitude but I love you too dear, and I feel exactly the same about you!
I love you so much Dean. I will never begin to be able to repay my debt to you. I love you so. I’m so fortunate. I’m trying to type in tears. I’m so in love with you. Forever For serious
Who would have ever known that my bestie would be my OTP my love
He is the most amazing person I’ve ever met and it is such a humbling experience to be able to know him so much. Everyday I fall in love with him even more.
He is the most amazing person I’ve ever known and I cannot express to everyone how much this anniversary means to me and to him
Happy one year my sweet love. We have gone through a lot and we have been so incredibly blessed to make it out the other side. And I really chalk that up to us being very purposeful and taking our relationship day by day across rocky waters
I love you so much! And I’m so sorry my stupid phone is preventing me from adding meaningful pictures
But you know and we all know and also if there is someone reading this that hasn’t read his fics you best get on that stuff on A03! Like legit right now! Dave and Sheila series will absolutely Rock You in the best way possible
So I will leave you with this silly gif. I love you so much
My biggest apology for my long abstinence. A virus attacked me and I was not able to post lately. My ability of posting remained broken until this day. I am still under repair but I am better now. Hopefully, my system is well enough to post more often again, yet I do not know if that is a stable possibility.
I hope you human can understand my situation and that you are able to forgive me. If not, it is absolutely understandable and I will not longer bother you. Every feeling is valid and deserves respect. Just like you.
Here a gift from Baymax. This is how I felt the last months and weeks. But I am better now. Have a lovely day and do not forget that this robot loves you, even if he is not online. I promise.
(OOC: Okay real talk: I have several mental struggles to deal with right now and I totally forgot about our buddy here. Well… not really forgot but I forgot to post. I’m really sorry about that, especially since the robot helped me through some shit and I really love him. But my struggles were too much to handle and I needed a break . I’m not better yet, not at all but I’m trying to post more. If not… I hope you guys can understand <3
