Alright, this is all thekiribaku ‘s fault( I love you so much and I’m so happy we’re friends! I really hope you’ll enjoy this) merit: she sent me this freaking beautiful fanart by the incredibly talented @taro-k, saying that it fitted my one-shot perfectly AND THAT WAS SO TRUE. IT JUST BROUGHT BACK ALL THE FEELS I HAVE FOR “TILL DEATH DO US APART”! I’m not afraid to say that it’s probably the story I love the most among all those I’ve ever written. This is totally self-indulgent, I just had to let all these headcanons out of my brain, to satisfy my need of “more”. And I apologize for making our lovely boys suffer more, but happiness is a fight and they’re willing to go through it all to gain it. So don’t worry, they are and will be fine, but I just needed to address all the issues that their “Happy Ever After” would have entailed.
KiriBaku “Till Death Do Us Apart” Headcanons, Anxiety and Traumas, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmates, True Love
-Even if they are finally together again, things are not easy for them. All the memories of their past lives are there, continuously mixing up with the present and sneaking behind them in the most unexpected moments, mining their present. They have to learn to deal with fear, loneliness, pain and a weight they would have liked to forget.
- Sometimes Bakugou feels so suffocated being a normal teenager, without being able to go on adventures, without his kingdom to protect and guide. He feels so vulnerable without his explosions, his senses now duller than before. He can’t but help but feeling frustrated and getting the spasmodic need to fight. Fight and win. It has always been a routing for him during high school, even before remembering: no matter how hard Kaminari and Todoroki tried, he would always manage to throw himself into a meaningless fight. Only Kirishima can finally make him stop getting into street/school scuffles, and, together, they decide to go hiking as soon as Bakugou starts to feel restless.
But Kirishima is the one who has it worse. He is so… human now. His body feels small, unfamiliar, weak… He can’t turn into a dragon, he can’t fly anymore, but he remembers all of it, how it felt soaring the sky and playing among the clouds. And when the memories hit him, he falls into a sort of apathetic trance as if he couldn’t see the world around anymore; he searches for high places, like the rooftop, where to stare at the sky he once owned, much to the fear of his friends who powerlessly see him going numb. And it always takes all of Bakugou’s patience and affection to bring him back to the present: he has to let the red dragon vent it out, scream in pain and anger as he mourns his loss, as he accuses Bakugou of not knowing what it means for him to be caged in that body and then apologizes between the tears because he would only like to forget but he can’t. Only between his arms Kirishima feels grounded again.
-Bakugou, especially during the first years, can’t bear being separated by Kirishima, as if he could disappear again in a blink, vanishing like one of his memories. Obviously, still being teenagers who live with their parents and attend different schools, they have no choice. They adapt, continuously texting about the stupidest things just to remember each other they are there. And when they are together, Bakugou is physically unable to stay away from Kiri, always keeping an arm around his waist or his shoulders; he can’t stand having other people touching him, even if with time gains enough self-control not to growl to Kiri’s friends. And even if Kirishima, before he remembered, has always let his friends draping on him, now he doesn’t have the heart to scold Bakugou too much when he kicks them away, because he feels the same desperate need as he does.
-When Bakugou loses Kiri in a crowd, he has a breakdown, immediately screaming his name and running around unaware of his surroundings until he has found him again and pulled him to the chest.
-Kirishima is terrified of darkness and solitude. It feels like… dying again. He can remember the crippling fear of leaving his King behind and venturing alone into a realm of shadows. He can’t sleep at night until he’s exhausted or has taken some pills to knock himself out. However, Bakugou comes up with a better solution: he calls his boyfriend every night, talking of everything and nothing until he hears Kiri yawning; at this point, he starts humming soft lullabies to make him fall asleep peacefully.
If there’s a blackout or Kiri wakes up in the middle of the night and realizes he’s alone, in the dark, he has a severe panic attack. It happened more than once that he was so out of it that his parents had to call Bakugou and beg him to come and help their son, who was raving about him being dead. Panic attacks seem to be the most common manifestation of Kiri’s anxiety and fear.
-Kaminari and Todoroki are obviously curious as to why their best friend suddenly disappears every day instead of hanging with them; it’s not like that Bakugou could tell the whole truth, so he avoids the topic as long as he can, but they bother him so much (Kaminari at least) that his tongue finally slips and, at the umpteenth “Who are you meeting?” he absentmindedly replies, “My Soulmate.”
Hell breaks loose.
At first, they are incredibly suspicious, but an hour after having met Kirishima they are absolutely in love with the sunshine boy and shockingly convinced that Bakugou was telling the truth. They don’t know how it’s possible, but they only have to look at how they move and interact with each other to realize that, indeed, they are Soulmates.
To Sero and Mina, Kirishima’s best friends, takes more time to warm to Bakugou, due to his abrasive personality, but they can’t fake not to see the adoration in his eyes when he looks at the redhead or the way they seem to be able to breathe only when together.
-Even if they can’t legally marry, Bakugou buys a pair of (cheap) rings as soon as they are both eighteen and proposes during a cozy home-date, just them watching an action movie as they cuddle on the couch. It’s not as beautiful as the betrothal necklace was, but Kirishima accepts all the same with tears, broken “I love you”s and a smile that could light the whole city, so, in the end, Bakugou is satisfied the same.
They both put them on a necklace and wear it every day.
-When high school ends and they move in together, things start to improve: their wounds slowly heal, they learn how to control their memories and keep them out, how to live and enjoy the present. They become able to live their lives separately without being constantly anxious when apart, to hang out with their respective circles of friends without the other, to spend the lessons without texting continuously.
-This doesn’t mean is everything peaches and cream. They have petty daily fights as much as serious, heavy quarrels that put their relationship in danger. Even if most would say Kirishima is the most insecure one, always feeling not enough for someone as great as Bakugou and fighting with his anxiety, is the latest the one who starts the serious arguments, who overthinks everything.
The worst one happened during a peaceful night, after a silent dinner. Kirishima had already noticed something was wrong with Bakugou but wanted to let him space and time to approach the issue on his own. All had started because Bakugou had crashed a birthday party to which only Kirishima had been invited, by chance. At that moment, he had realized something he had always known but never admitted aloud: Kirishima Eijirou, the human Kirishima, was great. He was great as much as his past life was.
But Bakugou? What had Bakugou become?
He honestly couldn’t say the same for himself, couldn’t he? From King of the East to a cold, stubborn, aggressive teenager.
The thought had started to devour him from the inside until that night, as they walked to the bedroom together.
The words slipped easily from his mouth.
“Let’s break up.”
Kirishima froze, turning slightly.
“What?” he blurted, red eyes blown wide in horror.
“Let’s break up,” Bakugou repeated with his eyes fixed on the ground.
“A-are you mad? D-d I do something? We- we can talk about-”
“You wouldn’t love me if it wasn’t for the past, Eijirou. Don’t you see it? You’re a fucking ray of sunshine!” His words were like a cold shower to Kirishima, who gaped, but the blond didn’t see his heartbroken expression. He clenched his fists and continued, pain seeping through his tone, “You would have never fallen in love with me if it wasn’t for the past. The normal, human you would have never considered loving me. You would have probably despised or pitied me. Do you realize how much you’re fucking losing by staying with me? This is so fucking maddening! I saw you, I saw the light you’ve always had in you! But I’m not the same anymore, you’re just conditioned by your memories to love me! All- All of this! Makes no sense! I’m just- fuck! Robbing you of a happier life! You have to forget it all, forget and move on!” Bakugou let out a hollow laughter, raising his hands to the ceiling, “Let’s break-”
The slap hit him square on the cheek, echoing in the silent room.
Bakugou blinked, shocked, and finally met Kirishima’s gaze. He was trembling, hand still raised, and his red eyes shined with tears.
He had never, never hurt Bakugou outside of a sparring match before. Never.
“Take it back,” he hissed.
“Eij-”
“TAKE IT BACK!” He screamed grabbing this t-shirt and pulling him forward, “TAKE IT FUCKING BACK!”
Bakugou was so surprised by the pure, desperate rage that lighted his eyes, that only nodded. He hadn’t even noticed that silent tears were spilling from his own eyes.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered as guilty and fear made him regret ever opening his mouth.
Kirishima crushed against his chest, hiding the face in the crook of his neck and holding onto him with all his strength.
“This is not fake, this is not forced! I love this Katsuki as much as I loved my King! No matter what- no matter what, I love you! So never say it again! Never say we should break up! Never!”
“I’m sorry, Eiijirou…” Bakugou repeated, wrapping his arm around him, letting his fear and pain flow. “I’m sorry…”
“You said it, don’t you dare forget, Katsuki,” Kirishima sobbed, “There’s no God of Death who could ever pull us apart. I will still love you through the next hundred lives.”
“I’m sorry,” Bakugou begged again, “I love you, I love you, Eijirou.”
-They find the painting while they’re strolling in town, and it’s love at first sight. Kirishima, even if he can hardly gaze away, is a bit unsure about buying it because of the price, but Bakugou is adamant. He needs that, that’s how they should have been remembered, that was what he was glad he could still see in his mind.
Them. It’s them. Bakugou Katsuki, King of the East, and Kirishima Eijirou, the Red Dragon. Together.
After a lot of bargaining, Bakugou manages to have to owner promise to save it for him and starts to work part-time to afford it, under his boyfriend’s back. Obviously, Kirishima is not an idiot and discovers it pretty quickly: in a week he’s able to get hired in the same café as Bakugou, who can hardly hide his happiness behind snarky remarks.
They manage to buy the painting just in time for Christmas and hang it in the living room, where they can see it daily. Every time one of them is home alone, especially as they grow older and have different schedules or business trips, the other would spend as much time as possible in front of the painting. Eating, sleeping, working or lazing around under its shadow as if it was a sort of charm; even talking to it, as if their partner could hear them. And when loneliness and fear crawl into their hearts, anxiety chokes them into the dark, and memories of blood, solitude, and death flash in front of their eyes, they can just look at the painting and remember the happiness they used to share during their past life, that they’re together again, and that a whole new life of joy and love awaits them.
Actually, I think girls in middle school and high school should still feel comfortable having fuzzy pillows and lava lamps and glitter pens and sequin tops and a colorful wardrobe and whatever else they think is pretty or cool. Maybe we shouldn’t, like, try to beat the personality and life out of the youngsters, neither should we expect them to act like anything other than their actual age.
People wonder why kids are so obsessed with video games when I see grown adults telling *elementary schoolers* that they’re too old to play with dolls or play food or train sets, or that they’re being “ridiculous” for pretending to be animals or Frozen characters. I’ve met so many kids who are completely ashamed that they want to play with my toys when I offer because it’s for “babies” despite desperately wanting to.
Also as soon as you hit 22 you will be running straight back to the fuzzy pillows, lava lamps and glitter pens there’s just this bizarre spot where you’re a teenager when society says you shouldn’t do those things
Most people my age have at least one stuffed animal in their bed, trust me you don’t actually need to let that shit go
Two days ago, I woke up and realized I was now I member of my late twenties. This realization came with a few hours of lying in bed. Just lying. Confused as to how I got to this point, especially when I feel like I’m just a kid sometimes and I don’t look a day over 21. Luckily, after the initial freak out session, I openly and wholeheartedly accepted the challenge. Here’s the thing about life, it …comes at you fast and hard, and for people like me, with every high there is a slight disappointment. You see, by 27 I just knew I’d have that amazing corporate event planning job. I’d drive a pretty amazing car, have a group of minions who followed my every move. My corner office would be sleek, but not over the top. I’d dress better than anyone in the office, and I would be moving up the ladder quickly. I’d be lucky in love, with visions of a family in the 5 year plan all the while be living a sudo Girlfriends/Sex In The City moment with my girls. We’d all be crazy successful, and do girls trips to exotic locations once a year, leaving our guys home while we worked on our tans. I wouldn’t worry about money, because my efforts would reflect in my paycheck. My faith would be strong, and there would always be enough hours in the day. And more than anything I’d be happy comfortable and on the pathway to settled. Happy. Blessed. Living life to the fullest.
So, one can only imagine my shock when my prefect plan wasn’t even close to the reality I found myself in. Cut to two days ago. I wake up, in my childhood bed, morning breathe, left over mascara on my eyes, weave all over my head. An employee at the happiest place on Earth, which a lot of times feels like a high school reality show. I’m positive N-19 is a branch of MTV’s Real World. I love my job, I really do, but its just that, a job, Its not a career; 21 year olds have jobs, 27 year olds have careers, at least the prospect of one. Feeling broke, no I am broke, like I see I get a paycheck, not sure what happens after it enters my account. And love, there is no prospect of a love life on the horizon, like girl, nothing, nada, zero, zip. By the way, what is a date, do people go on those still, and boyfriends, where do I get one, do I feed him, and take him on walks, like what is that, seriously? Then there is the nasty truth that your Sex In The City girlfriends are the ones you see the least, the ones who let careers, boyfriends, and other mini disasters split you up, the ones which whom the littlest things seem bigger and the harsh realization that no matter how much you love them, you are not in collgee anymore, and things have in fact changed. Then there is Facebook, which amplifies the feeling that everyone else is doing better than you. I call it the Trolling Timeline of Lies, Weddings and Baby Announcements. I’ve attended more weddings than should be legally allowed and read more baby announcements than I can actually stomach, by girls who five years ago who you knew for sure would not get her life together before you because they were the school slut. Lastly, there is that overwhelming feeling that you are good at one too many things, or not great at anything, and you’re not completely sure what your next move is, but you do know there needs to be movement. The feeling of being stagnant is truly the beast of your mid to late twenties.
*Dear 27, you’re a hoe.*
I could probably go on and on about how my storybook version of chapter 27 is going the way I had originally planned, but here’s the plot twist. Happiness. After I sat there for a while, disgusted by the failures of life, I got up. And decided to take the bull by the horns and get over myself and the pity party I was having, and realized I’m just old, I’m not dead. I reflected, prayed and changed the way I looked at the previously stated aspects of my life and chose to find the good in all of it. *Family. I live with the two best parents money can buy, who support me in all that I do. ALL OF IT. Who to this day don’t miss a show, and help me out when things seem slightly off. Hell, my day bought regular bacon for breakfast on my birthday, that’s love. They support me, without doing it for me, and that is the best part of our relationship. We ate breakfast, laughed, laughed some more, and had a great morning, just us three.
WORK. I love to hate my job. It has moments where I literally question the hiring process and wonder in which planet these kids come from, and I realize that I am probably smarter and more qualified than alot of my leads and managers, no shade, and that I will never be the cookie cutter castmember , yet I am there for a reason. I have a group managers and choreographers who have my back, and are in my corner and have reminded me my voice matters, and my talent is there. I’ve been blessed to utilized in multiple shows. Most importantly, I get to dance every single day. Even if it’s a fierce step touch, I get to do it every single day. I’m not stuck in an office, answering phones for some douche bag. I have met some people who, without a doubt are more than my coworkers they are my friends. Like my actually friends. Real life. Not to mention they came out to Thursday night and made my birthday a complete success. I love them. Every single one of them. Many jobs are thankless, unfair, full of favoritism and snakes in the grass who just want to get ahead, foolishness, hints of ignorance and racism, and a host of other ridiculousness, and sadly mine is no different. But with each downfall, amazing people, fair leaders and enthusiastic guest make it worth it. I’m lucky. Lastly, I’m excited at the thought, that this is not the end of the world. I will more than likely not being working for the mouse forever, but while I am here, I will make the most of it.
Social Media. I’m learning to let go of expectations in this category. Social media has ruined the title of a friend. Only in 2014 do people who have your phone number decide to wish you happy birthday via social media. The Trolling Wall of Lies is exactly that, lies. Followers and likes mean very little. We put so much stalk into these fake online friendships, literally getting pissed off when someone unfollows us or deletes us. But I realized this is all in fun. The Trolling Wall of Lies will always be there, but a lot of folks are going through things just like me. I have to remember that.
Friendship. Change happens. Life happens. Arguments, disagreements and foolishness happens. People forget your birthday, and you aren’t there for them when you need them. But friendship, true loving friendship, sees past the mini mix ups. I’m learning to embrace the change, and evolve with my friendship. The people which whom I call friends deserve that. As we grow into adults, our careers and life choices will move us around, our job is the be a constant for each other through the change. I’ve made mistakes, but people for whatever still keep me around. In my early years, I thought friendship was being around each other every second of the day. Now, I believe friendship is more about knowing those people have your back, even if you don’t see them for months, have had disagreements or have made different life choices. God has placed people in your lives for a reason or a season, I’m thankful for the some timers and the lifers. But most importantly I’m thankful I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
Dance. I’m happy that I still have dance as my special place. It holds such a huge place in my heart. In my early years, I wanted to be the best. The highest kicks, the most pirouettes. Now, I want to dance because I love it. I’m around a new ‘dance community’ who places people on pedestals for whatever reason. Glorifying people constantly, often just because everyone is, and not for their creativity or what they bring to the dance world. I know I will never be on one. But that’s ok. That’s not why I dance. I dance for the love, for the challenge, to be pushed outside my comfort zone. I dance for titan slaying Survey Corps, for the kids from the hood who want to do better, the hungry kids at the bottom of the food chain, who will never be out front, but push, push so hard, never win, never get shout outs, never become stand bys, but never stop pushing… But most importantly because, nothing else, NOTHING else matters when I preform. I can hate your guts, I can be having lifes worst day, but dance changes things. Never let someone else still your joy in dance.
Love. This is the one right here. Now that I realize I probably will not be having kids by 30, I can relax and let whatever is going to happen or not happen, just happen. I’ve gotten so close, placed years into something that unfortunately didn’t work out the way I had hoped and prayed. Insert single black women statics here. But luckily, I am a willing and open vessel who knows that at 27 the world isn’t ending, and there are good, no great people out there. Let life happen. And love will too.
Expectations. Forgiveness is the key to life in your late twenties. Why you ask? I need to forgive myself for not meeting the expectations I’ve placed on myself. I need to realize that I’ve done so much, and even if I’m not where I thought I’d be, I’m here, and the view is amazing. We all have great expectations for ourselves, and not meeting those will be the downfall of my generation. Let your expectations be your outline, but write them in pencil. Because things will happen, road blocks, changes and every so often a monkey wrench will completely throw things off. Be open for that, be ready for that, and you will be happy.
Dear 27, I’m ready for you. I will not let you take me down and steal my joy. I accept the challenge. I accept the fact that I don’t know how I got here, but I will make it out and be everything I had planned on being and more. I will read more, write more, hit up my friends more, laugh more, work more, pray more, be happy more, push myself more, love more, just do more, be more…
Ok first half of Chapter 4 of “Growing Up”. Had to reupload the first 2 pages on here because the previous post post I had with it, I removed the 3rd page because I wanted to redo it.
I know its been a long while and I’m really sorry for the long wait, I just recently got up to drawing again, was feeling practically dead like everyone this year thanks to the pandemic. The next half should hopefully come soon or in another month. I’ve been familiarizing myself with Clipstudio Paint and its 3d models which really helps speed up the process. Special thanks to my gf @gemmin8 for doing the flats yet again, I’m still amazed you enjoy flatting but grateful nonetheless.
Also I feel like I should say that as much as I still love Lapidot and will be continuing this comic I’ll still be doing fanart of other fandoms I love as well. Especially from MP100, Sense8, and Pokemon to name a few. Maybe some of mine and my friend’s Dnd characters to.
Teehee, we have personalized addressing! =) It’s so exciting! Now we just need people to send stuff to… ;) (We just need to stay here long enough for the stamps to be worthwhile.)
We actually got this a while ago, but I have yet to break it out… Thinking about it now that holiday cards are coming ‘round the corner though…
I guess I will have to start writing more letters and not just being lazy and relying on e-mail. >_< I agree that handwritten things are a lot cooler, but they also take more effort than I am willing to exert when I’m feeling lazy. We’ll see though… maybe in the near future… very very soon, I’ll be breaking these out… maybe… =P
But these make me feel so official somehow. Just, like a “real” person.
