Explain to me why so many universities have, like, 5 (or more!!) different cognitive and/or neuroscience PhD programs! And why none of these universities ever lays out the differences between these programs in an easily accessible manner! And then there are all these faculty members who are listed under 2-3 different programs but only accept students from one program but collaborate with other programs, leaving you wondering which program to apply to so you can maximize your chances of working with your preferred mentor. Because god knows I can’t afford to apply to every single one of these programs for every single school; there’s separate application fees and GRE codes for every damn department and I’m not personalizing my SOP 17 times anyway.
I hate this process so so so much. Every step of this process is designed to trick and blindside prospective students, and we’re just expected to figure it out as we go, and the whole thing is bullshit.
I’m gonna write a “things I didn’t know about applying to grad school” post once my applications are submitted, because no other student deserves to go through this much pain. I’m so angry and frustrated right now.
I have now rewritten my SOP 5 times, each time changing something drastic about the structure or the information I reveal or the narrative thread I weave, in order to address the various weaknesses I’ve identified. I’m starting to grow increasingly frustrated and demoralized, because somehow no matter how much editing I do, the SOP doesn’t seem to get good enough to be proud of, or even just okay with. Every time, I chip away at a weakness just enough to think “Yeah, this is why I edit; every edit makes it better,” but there’s always enough of that weakness left that I can’t definitively say “I’ve addressed this and can move on to something else.”
I know that my SOP has come incredibly far from my first draft, and I amhappy with small bits and pieces of it, but the thought of having to rewrite it yet again to correct a glaring structural weakness is just…so incredibly demotivating. Especially because I’m having to identify these weaknesses, figure out how to address them, and then implement those changes almost entirely on my own, without second opinions or constructive criticism from a third party. It is exhausting having to pinpoint my flaws and then switch mindsets and address those flaws without becoming embroiled in insecurity and self-loathing for having those flaws in the first place, irrational as that is.
I’ve tried to remain positive throughout this process, taking the little external feedback I’ve gotten with an open mind and reminding myself that every edit brings me closer to my final SOP. I know I’m a good writer and a better editor, and these skills serve me well; hell, I made it through 5 rewrites before starting to feel frustrated, and I’m incredibly lucky to have gotten that far. But I’m finally starting to feel the stress and the panic, and it’s not a great feeling, to be honest.
I don’t know. I’m writing this post in an attempt to process my frustration and put it into words so I can move on and return to editing with restrengthened convictions. But I also kind of want to reassure anyone else out there who’s feeling frustrated that you’re not alone. I know I went into this process thinking writing a SOP was simple and easy, and I must be stupid if I was having so much trouble with it, but I’m starting to realize that the frustration and the constant rewriting is part and parcel of the writing process. It doesn’t make me stupid to be working on a sixth rewrite. It doesn’t make me stupid to have been editing this SOP for almost a month. And I’ll get there, eventually. Every draft is better than the last, and ultimately I’ll have a statement that’s good enough to submit. I just have to keep on keeping on, I suppose.
I was rejected by the Neuroscience PhD programs at each of the universities I applied to, but I was accepted by the Northwestern MS program in Neurobiology. Unfortunately, the program offers no financial aid aside from loans, and taking on nearly 100k in loans for a degree that doesn’t seem to yield industry opportunities doesn’t make sense to me.
So! I’m reiterating my position as the Family Disappointment and committing to a career in publishing/editorial/something liberal arts-y. I’ll be looking into pursuing graduate education for journalism or communications, and in the meantime I’ll see how far I can ride this editorial train. I’d love to talk to people who did or are doing grad work in journalism or communications; would you do it again? Would you recommend it?
In the meantime… expect to see more updates about the grad application process as I sink deeper into applications…. for the third time…….. maybe this’ll be the charm?
[[REDACTED]] university straight up told me that decisions will likely take another week to come out but that sure as hell isn’t gonna stop me from obsessively refreshing my inbox regardless!
I love assassins creed odyssey but I will never forgive it for teaching me the modern greek pronounciation of ancient greek locations…no anglophone scholar takes me seriously when I say “vee-o-tía” instead of beotia… the modern greek just sounds so much better
Me: ah yes, I suffer from imposter syndrome. I feel as if I haven’t earned my place in academia, and that I’m just pretending to be smart…even though I get good grades and my supervisors have great things to say about my work. This is a result of imposter syndrome.
The tiny Ben Shapiro that lives in my brain: Ok, but let’s say hypothetically
It’s been four score and twenty years since I last posted and promised to post daily.. And like 3 days since I tried to post but my wifi fucked me over and the post got deleted
Fig 1. From stats and probability theory 2
Fig 2. Optimal control theory notes
Fig 3. Measure theory from my probability theory 2 class
Fig 4. Functional analysis 2
It was decided today that in 3 weeks I’ll do a seminar about knots to the two others being supervised by my supervisor. I know nothing about knots as of now, so I’ll have fun reading through Knots and Physics for the first time.
It’s been four score and twenty years since I last posted and promised to post daily.. And like 3 days since I tried to post but my wifi fucked me over and the post got deleted
Fig 1. From stats and probability theory 2
Fig 2. Optimal control theory notes
Fig 3. Measure theory from my probability theory 2 class
Fig 4. Functional analysis 2
It was decided today that in 3 weeks I’ll do a seminar about knots to the two others being supervised by my supervisor. I know nothing about knots as of now, so I’ll have fun reading through Knots and Physics for the first time.
Can anyone help me understand it? I am not able to understand why +/- signs are written above the gel profile? And can anyone help me with the hint to the solution?
Design survey questionnaire for factor analysis (I’m doing a research study to determine why so few math students are using online tutoring at my institution)
Get approval from Institutional Research department to deploy my survey
Diddle around with Tableau (I want to build a faculty-facing data dashboard breaking down tutoring utilization at my institution)
Y’all, I think I’m doing it! I think I’m growing into a baby data scientist!
I think that, for me, part of the appeal of data analytics / data science is the aspect of seeking structure in chaos. My executive functioning skills have been especially suffering during work-from-home times, but my graduate studies are helping me build the skills to take the chaos and disorder and translate it into an organized format that can then be analyzed, optimized, and used to better-understand the big picture.
Since I’m still floating around in survive-then-thrive mode, I don’t yet have the time to put together any helpful tips for others to consider; however, doing so is ultimately my major goal for this blog. Some topics I’ve already been learning and hope to address soon via new content are:
Identifying reliable research via 6 key characteristics
Building a strong hypothesis for a research study
Designing effective research methods
Understanding key concepts in beginner database management and design
Skills I haven’t learned yet but eventually want to share:
Since I found out my grad program DOESN’T start today (they misprinted an updatedstart date — it actually begins the 25th), I unexpectedly have a little more time to enjoy myself before dipping into the full grad-grind!
I have been spending some of my leisure time tending to numerous plants, including my new (and growing) propagation station, as featured above! Currently, I’m trying to establish 3 buddies. From left to right are mint (already planted), ??? (Truly, I’ve no idea what the buddy living in the syrup bottle is), Zamioculcas zamiifolia (“ZZ”), and… a green onion!
Delightfully, the green onion is already growing new roots. The ZZ I’m less sure of. In general, I don’t know how well ZZs take to water propagation, but so far it’s leaves are still supple. As for the ??? plant, it has been hanging in water for weeks without rooting! Even so, it also remains pretty supple. So I guess we’ll just see how it goes, huh?
Unfortunately, most of the extra time will be devoted to the work-grind instead. The following are on this week’s menu of To-Dos:
Finalize and publish the Spring tutoring schedule
Co-write the conclusion/analysis for a small research paper (So excited!!)
Finish developing “Welcome Back!” assignments
As much as I’m enjoying a break, COVID has me stir-crazy and I’m really looking forward to getting started on the next steps of my future career! As such, I cannot wait until I can get started with my program. By then, I should have more relevant and interesting content to share.
In lighter news, I found this incredible video made by the Monterey Bay Aquarium. 2 hours of squid to relax/study/work to? Hell yeah. Gimme ALL the squid, please and thank you.
