Why do Goblins have to eat trash? Why can’t goblin cuisine simply have a strong emphasis on fermentation and controlled spoilage?
Like fermentation stinks to high heaven and you typically hide it away in dark and cool places. It fits lore wise for a creature that lives in a cave and is described as unclean.
Anyway this has been food for thought
concept: a setting where every race has a different preferred method of food preservation and each of them is pretty sure that everyone else is ruining their food - goblinoids are masters of fermented foods, elves make exquisite sundried fruits and jerkies, dwarf cities have enchanted walk-in freezers hewn from living stone, gnomes can pickle anything, orcish smokehouses are legendary.
humans and halflings don’t have their own signature food preservation methods, but are notable for being willing to eat everyone else’s trail rations.
Goblins also have an EXQUISITE mushroom cuisine. A single package of genuine goblin-grown shelf mushrooms can be worth more than gold in some regions.
Okay, yes to all of this, but consider: FUSION CUISINE.
Some adventurous gnome starts using elf-dried berries and herbs in their pickling vat. Some curious orc discovers what happens when you smoke goblin-fermented fish. An elf defies all tradition and starts adding both orcish curing seasonings and goblin-made vinegar to their jerky. A couple of dwarves and halflings working together accidentally invent ice cream and nobody knows how.
A sandwich shop opens up called A&B, which most people think is for the names of the owners (Allforth and Burrows, a human and halfling respectively) but is actually a reference to the fact that everything on the menu is a combination of at least two unrelated culinary traditions.
Thin-sliced orcish smoked sausage on a hard roll with gnomish pickled greens and a tangy spread made out of elvish sun-dried tomatoes
Goblinish fermented fish paste blended with soft cheese, on bread studded with olives cured in the gnomish style and then elf-dried
Human-style fresh roasted fowl topped with orc-smoked bacon, slathered in a combination of halfling-style berry jam and goblinish vinegar
… I admit I’m at a loss for how to use dwarvish freezing techniques here. Any suggestions?
If dwarves can freeze they can probably freeze-dry. Imagine what can be done with powdered fruit, vegetables, and herbs.
Frozen dwarven meats sliced razor-thin on their finely-crafted blades for sandwiches or charcuterie boards, accompanied by fermented goblin relish, pickled gnomish vegetables, and dried elven fruits. It’s accompanied by fine halfling cheeses and human-made bread (ok, so they’re not as known for it as some other races, but halflings do make a mean cheese and humans eat honestly way too much bread, so they it make a lot).
Dwarven-iced goblin kombucha
Soups made with out-of-season freeze-dried herbs and vegetables, the flavor enhanced with freeze-dried and powered goblin mushrooms
Breads and cookies flavored and colored with freeze-dried fruit powders in fanciful shapes
this post is a neverending font of delight
Has anyone considered dwarven cheese, ripened in caves?
Hmm … on reflection, cheese seems to me more like a controlled-spoilage method of preservation. Which, as per the original concept, means it should be goblin work. Especially the sorts of cheese that call for careful use of exactly the right kind of mold.
But goblins and dwarves working together could probably get up to some amazing cross-disciplinary methods for cheese ripening.
It’s also occurred to me that if dwarves use freezing as their chief method of preserving food, and goblins use fermentation and other forms of controlled rot, this combination is also perfectly primed for the discovery of freeze distillation.
Listen, I know I suck at five sentence fics, we’ve already established that, right? I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me and my pathetic five-sentence attempts until the end of this month. Here, have another one.
Today’s fic for the Writer’s Month 2021 challenge (see @writersmonth for more info) focuses on Thorin and Dwalin. I’ve always wanted to explore this relationship in various ways and this is a very quick study that involves one of my ideas.
Today’s prompt: setting: genderbend world
Fandom: The Hobbit Relationships: fem!Thorin x fem!Dwalin Rating:M Warnings: Guess what. Angst. Surpriiiise!
What?Yes, you’ve heard that right. I see a huge follower milestone on the horizon and I’m planning to throw a Tumblr celebration.
Why?If everything goes well, I will be starting another sleepover soon as a way of saying thank you for your support! And you know what this means, right? You’ll be able to get some tailor made fic goodies just for you!
That’s why I’m writing this post: let me know what you’d like to see this time: imagines? headcanons? open ask box? ask games? tarot requests? Canon x Reader ficlets? writer support? spotlight on your fics? - you name it!
How?Drop me a comment, DM me or send me an ask telling me what you’d like to see the most!
Hello, my wonderful readers! Remember me? I’m (sort of) back! I’ve been trying to fight a writer’s block and since the Valentine’s Day is coming soon, let me treat you to a love story straight from the Middle Earth.
Relationships: Thorin Oakenshield x OC Rating: T (E later on) Author’s notes: This is the story of Thorin Oakenshield’s quest to find the White Raven, a mysterious creature of legends only few were fortunate enough to see. This is the story of love stronger than time, destiny, and laws of gods and mortals alike.
You can find this fic on AO3.
Special thanks to@legolasbadass for all your help and discussions and @linasofia for your unwavering support. Love you guys! (Feel free to check their stories here and on AO3, these two are really talented, you won’t regret it!)
Khuzdul: Kaminzabdûna - Yavanna Kheled-zâram - the lake of Mirrormere
“Uncle?” A chubby dwarfling crawled up on Thorin’s lap, joining his little brother.
“What is it, Fili?” Thorin ruffled the boy’s wheat-colored hair, careful not to wake up Kili who snored quietly against his tunic.
“Is the White Raven only a legend?”
This innocent question made the king in exile freeze for a heartbeat.
“Why are you asking?” He made his voice sound casual. Lighthearted.
Fili looked around and whispered, “I saw a white raven today when I went out with Amad.”
“Have you?” Thorin lowered his voice. Perhaps it simply was a child’s imagination. Fili was an inventive lad after all.
“It sat on a branch on that big oak on the way to the market, but when I went to see it up close, it just flew off!” The boy gesticulated lively. “Are you certain that it was a raven?”
“I’m not a little pebble like Kili, Uncle! I know a raven when I see one!” Fili protested. “It just looked weird, because it had white feathers.” His little brother sighed in his sleep and shifted, making Thorin wrap his arm around him tighter as he pondered Fili’s words. Was it truly possible after so many years?
“You were lucky then,” Thorin spoke carefully, “There are many stories about the White Raven and all of them say that it shows itself only to a few.”
“Stories? Please, Uncle, I want to hear all about the White Raven!” Fili pulled on his sleeve.
“White Waven!” Exclaimed Kili, suddenly awake.
“Very well,” Thorin said, unable to stifle a smile at their enthusiasm. This was the topic he himself had been passionate about and researched through the years. Even though his findings had not brought him any closer to the truth he craved, there was an urge inside him to speak of it, as if this simple act could make it more substantial. More real.
Thorin’s gaze travelled towards the flames dancing in the hearth as he chose his words with care.
It is told that in their beginning the Dwarves were made by Aulë in the darkness of Middle-earth; for so greatly did Aulë desire the coming of the Children, to have learners to whom he could teach his lore and his crafts, that he was unwilling to await the fulfilment of the designs of Ilúvatar. And Aulë made the Dwarves even as they still are, because the forms of the Children who were to come were unclear to his mind, and because the power of Melkor was yet over the Earth; and he wished therefore that they should be strong and unyielding. But fearing that the other Valar might blame his work, he wrought in secret: and he made first the Seven Fathers of the Dwarves in a hall under the mountains in Middle-earth.
— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion, “Of Aulë and Yavanna”
You know what’s more fun than worldbuilding that makes some fantasy races EEEEVIIIIIIILLLLL!!!!? Worldbuilding that gives the different races cultural differences that help explain why there’s a lot of conflict between them:
Goblin culture doesn’t have a concept of “Property”. A stick on the ground and a tool in a locked shed are equally up for grabs if a thing needs doing. They casually take and leave things all over their communities, eat from communal pots, and genuinely Do Not Understand why the Core Races are so Angry and prone to Violence all the time.
Consequently Goblins who live near Core communities develop a reputation as “Thieves” despite not even having a *word* for that. (The closest word they have is more like “Greedy” and it means a person that hides things so nobody else can use them, and it’s a surefire fight-starter to call a Goblin that)
Common Orc Spiritual beliefs hold that a Soul can only grow stronger by overcoming Challenges in life, and see intruding on another person’s Challenge unasked for as not just Rude, but Deeply Harmful. You’re Stealing their chance to Grow. Asking for help is deeply personal and doing so can be both a way to grow closer with them or a too-personal intrusion, depending on your existing relationship with them. An exception is Children, as far as most Orcs are concerned, all Children are fundamentally the responsibility of the Whole Community, regardless of whose child they are, or even if said child is an Orc at *all*.
This means that Orcs who live near Core neighbors often seem Rude and Standoffish if not outright hostile, because they neither ask for nor offer aid even in times of trouble, and respond to unasked for aid themselves with Anger. There are even rumors that they Steal Children, because if an Orc finds a child lost in the woods they’re pretty much immediately going to start feeding it, and if they can’t find where to bring it back to, or it doesn’t seem to be well cared for, they’re just gonna keep it.
this is so good. someone do dragons & dwarves
Dragons are often portrayed as being greedy and hostile towards humanoid creature. Many dragon myths have them Eating people, hoarding gold, and kidnapping princesses. However dragons aren’t as bad as many people think.
1. Hoarding Gold.
Dragons are, in the simplest terms, lizard crows. They take gold because it’s so shiny, and (similarly to goblins) they’re sense of ownership and personal property is a bit skewed. Dragons understand that if there is a cave with a dragon sitting on a pile of gold the gold is that dragons gold and that they shouldn’t take it because it belongs to that dragon. But humans store their gold in banks or vaults. Dragons see this huge pile of gold and think “oh no one is sitting on this gold, guess it’s free to take” and then they go ahead and take it. They don’t think to consider that these humans are attacking it because of gold, it just thinks that these humans are really mean. (All of this stealing of gold business can be fixed by just having a few people sit on your piles of gold so dragons can realize that the gold is already has an owner.)
2. Eating people/hostility
Dragons are literally giant flying lizards. They are literal animals. They are carnivores and scavengers. They will eat your corpse, even if they didn’t kill you themselves. Also, the reason they attack so many people is because they do have a territorial nature (again, giant fuckinglizards) and most of the people they attack are people who come into their caves and steal their gold!
3. Kidnapping princesses
Most princesses wear all this beautiful jewelry and gems and, like I said before, dragons are lizard crows. The appearance of shiny stuff in sunlight is to a dragon like a lazer pointer is to a cat. They will steal it, probably not realizing it’s alive until later. However it should be noted that dragons take great pride in their hoard, so they will definitely take care of the princess!
And lastly it should be said that not all dragons do these things! All the old and wise dragons have realized how humanoids work and so they do better with staying out of they way. It’s all the young and dumb dragons who’re unwittingly stealing your gold. Just take your time to politely explain to your local dragon how banks work and you should be good!
Hope that explains dragons and well enough @smallest-feeblest-boggart ! (Sorry that I don’t have anything for dwarves)
I love the concept of someone being payed to sit on a pile of gold in a bank so a dragon doesn’t steal it.
this is magnificent, please continue the saga
Dwarves are greedy, dwarves care only about money and wealth, dwarves are brusque and blunt and irritable. All these things are true from a human perspective, however that is not the way to measure a dwarf. Dwarves are miners, diggers, wont to live in small warren communities, in close quarters and with limited space which could lead to…friction. As a result dwarven culture has become deeply codified in terms of interpersonal relations and concepts of what is owed and recompense, and they do it with gold, the emotional currency.
See, a dwarf mine is inherently insular compared to a typical human community, and here’s no place for a grudge or a simmering feud because dwarven society is as standard in a state of borderline cabin fever. Anyone in lockdown right now with a full house will understand quite how much forced contact with the people you love, 24/7, can blow up into nearly full scale war over the dishes or who’s breathing too loudly. So their society has evolved methods of dealing with that in the form of a strictly codified and extravagantly detailed system of fines, penalties and compensation to deal with interpersonal issues. A dwarf that engages in a behaviour that irritates others around them can buy forgiveness or sort of pay for the right to continue, arguments are settled through contract and payment as much as they are by reason and discussion.
This has become deeply ingrained into the dwarven cultural psyche and has many benefits for keeping the peace and preventing people from working out their differences by means of a pickaxe, leading to the delightful dwarven saying “it’s better to open your wallet than someone else’s skull”. This may seem odd to humans but it’s a lot more reliable than intangible compromises that leave both parties feeling like they’ve lost somehow. Behavioural compromise is all well and good but in a dwarf mine it would quickly devolve into unbearable levels of personal restriction for others and eventually end in the inauspicious meeting of skull and pickaxe. There must be some consideration for others but this system allows for a sort of, well, an allowance of irritating behaviours.
Gold is not a particularly practical metal hence being chosen as the preferred social currency, meaning individuals can accrue and part with gold without upsetting the distribution of resources like iron which are of practical value to the community. While the value of a mass of gold may vary from mine to mine, the value of emotional labour in a mine is known to a tee. A human might say of someone’s irritating friend/relative/coworker “you couldn’t pay me to deal with that bullshit” but a dwarf absolutely can be paid, and what’s more, knows the exact amount of gold that constituted a fair price for the trouble. Having been paid the exchange is considered fair and irritation and resentment are mitigated.
To a dwarf, accruing gold is a vital necessity in order to be a caring member of the community. They know they’re going to wind up stepping on people’s beards and having a large stock of gold is the way to apologise and compromise. Similarly, a dwarf with more gold than others can be viewed as someone who spends more time being paid for their inconvenience than they spend paying others, and acts as a signal of social likeability. To run out of gold would be to mean you’re so fucking unbearable it doesn’t bear thinking about.
And this is where it becomes tricky with the humans. The dwarven attempts to settle emotional disagreements with humans through payment come across as disingenuous and shallow. Meanwhile dwarves are brusque, blunt and irritable with humans much of the time because navigating our nonsense systems of weird intangible compromises is Too Headache for most dwarves. Even those that understand often cannot fully shake the ingrained feeling that they’re being emotionally short changed by the lack of proper payment (this is why dwarves that have grown up in human settlements often seem to lack their mine dwelling brethren’s avarice, and seem far more easy going).
So yes, a human that behaved like that would be greedy and loving gold like that would be to only care about money and wealth. But for a dwarf? That’s just called being a dwarf, and caring about money and wealth isn’t in conflict with caring about others, it’s how you care about others.
So anyways tonight I am crying about how beautifully Aulë’s description of the Dwarves of his creation was, rather than simply their hardened and nearly comical exteriors as presented in the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. The Dwarves are devoted to their work, yes, but through the lens of Aulë’s passion and lovefor his creatures do we truly see the softer, more beautiful side of the Dwarves and their rough exteriors and creations.
They may work in the darkness and in stone, but they are craftsmen with finelyhoned talent, intricacy, and attention to detail just like their creator. Their beauty lies in their fortitude, their strength to cradle the most precious of jewels and yet survive in grandiose halls of stone. They are much like the Elves in that regard, as the Elves live long in the strongest of trees (as in Lothlorien) yet they care for the most delicate of flowers, seeds and patterns. One is a beauty of dusty, dirty things and the other is a beauty of light colors and softness. They are quite harmonious when one considers.
Another highly vulnerable group in situations like these, and another one I will illustrate a Tolkien character, landscape or OC of your choice for in return for a direct donation (by donating directly to the crowdfund link, not through paying me! Just message/reply what illustration you would like, and donate independently).
See pinned post for examples of my work.
The fundraiser was organised by LLM students at the Centre for Disability Law and Policy at the National University of Ireland.
Thorin Pros: -buys the best food -remembers when the bills are due -will do the dishes Cons: -his bedroom is cluttered as heck -he likes hisspace -he hates decorating for any holiday
Quiet Places is a series of maps that mark suitable roleplay locations with little to no NPCs. They’ll be categorized as follows; Inn - Relatively empty buildings closely resembling an inn and can be utilized for heavier community roleplay or walkups. Event - Spots prime for walkups or areas ideal for hosting themed events. These are vastly different per marker. Merchant - Buildings housing vastly varied products or equipment with few to no npc’s. Common Home - Small, empty houses with a cozy amount of limited space. Noblemen House - Large, usually sparse buildings that can either be nobles’ homes, shops or even bases.
Ironforge is a beast of a capital. Second only to Stormwind in terms of function, I would argue the dwarven home is one of the most sprawling cities in the entire game. Empty buildings, guild bases and walk-up roleplayers litter Ironforge. I could scarcely go an hour screenshooting without accidentally stumbling into rooms with two to five toons inside. You will not lack for contact here! Yet, in the second most popular capital for RP, there are still untouched places. I may even say there are secret places, some are only accessible through a certain favorite toy of mine. With that noted, I urge you all not overlook the Deeprun Tram.
This map took weeks. Personal life things aside, all those empty buildings in the commons were only half the battle. After shoving my poor toons into every nook in the mountain I knew there needed to be a map for the surface too. You can’t just plot out a mountain city without checking it’s peak! So, If you don’t know what I mean by “sledding off Ironforge”, you owe it to yourself to check these spots out!
the dwarves for@stand-up-and-fight-daleks:“far over the misty mountains cold, to dungeons deep and caverns old, we must away, ere break the day, to seek our pale enchanted gold.”
hello from your tolkien secret santa wishing you the most wonderful holidays and a happy new year!
Here’s my latest miniature world, this time built inside in a vintage clock case. A man and a woman stumble upon some tiny little people, who are coming out of a hole in the ground and are gathering the fruits from the surrounding bushes. They then go down the ladder to an underground cavern and feed the fruits inside a machine which turns them into juice, filling up a glass tank. Some of the little people are filling their cups and are tasting the juice.
