#domestic violence
So many girls/women I know blame themselves when men are violent or abusive towards them. “He hit me, but I deserved it because of the way I…” or “yes he hit me but it was my own fault because I…” Here’s the thing, though. Women are never hit without a reason being given, but that reason is NEVER a good one. Yes, maybe you did something that, in a spiraling chain of events eventually ended up with him hitting you. But hitting is never an appropriate response to ANYTHING, no matter what you do. So while you may feel responsible and take the blame for it because an action of yours precipitated the abuse, you are not at fault for how he reacted. (Note: I am aware that men are the victims of domestic violence as well. However, I’m speaking from my experience as a woman)
If you are faced with domestic violence of any sort, however the situation came about, and the threat is still present, phone the Police Emergency number for your area, and carry on as if you are ordering a takeaway meal, they will quickly pick up on the situation (they are trained to do that), and ask you questions that you can answer in code, so that they can send the Police to your address.
To see the full Original Post look HERE. The comments from rebloggers are also instructive and well worth reading.
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Everyone who uses that “well 90% of rape is committed by men,” bullshit is forgetting that female rapists are rarely reported because male rape victims aren’t taken seriously and are made fun of and when they actually are reported it’s RARELY taken seriously and goes through court.
Women rape plenty. You’re not pure. You’re not the victim. Anyone, ANYONE, can be a victim, regardless of gender.
Women also rape other women, but a lot of people either outright ignore it, thinking that it’s “not real rape,” or they try to silence survivors because they think that reporting on female-on-female sexual abuse is homophobic.
Study after study has shown that lesbian relationships have the highest levels of abuse per capita. This can’t be ignored any longer.
I had no idea. That’s awful.
Lgbt people aren’t innocent and incapable of being abusive or rapists. f/f and m/m relationships aren’t inherently more pure and wholesome than m/f couples.
Rape isn’t a female issue caused by men and it’s FAR from exclusive to heterosexual couples.
If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at1-800-799-7233. Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take your call.
reminder to the people who need reminding: joking about abuse is not funny. i had a friend recently tell me a long story about how his girlfriend abused him only for me to find out it was an elaborate joke to him that did not happen. that really upset me, because it takes away from valid experiences and domestic abuse is extremely serious.
one of the most infuriating productions of the depp pr machine is people who see themselves as fighting for disbelieved minority groups or something (men who are victims of women) believing the false narrative that heard abused her ex wife hinged on the idea that cops with the right identity politics suddenly are more credible than lesbian and bisexual women they police. this is, mind you based on an arrest that depp’s team vindictively dug up after it had been removed from her record. depp has called van ree a “fucking hovering vulture,”(page 50) called heard as someone with “matronliness as a lesbian camp counsellor”(page 247) - and these are just statements that are undisputed because they’re in writing; depp tried to deny the second one and state that it didn’t matter since he never “uttered” the words out loud.
johnny depp was jealous and possessive of heard around many people, including other women, including specifically her ex-wife. he took the experience of a young amber heard who considered herself married to another woman in a time before gay marriage was legal, took the experience of what it was like to be policed, to feel like you were being targeted by the police for your sexuality, specifically, and twisted it into being somehow a compelling and undisputed case of abuse in the minds of the public. he took her ex who was so close with her it made him pissed off and said her voice didn’t matter and actually she was a victim. because of this fucking ridiculous arrest where all charges were dropped. it’s bewildering that anyone could even dream of holding tasya van ree against heard, whilst still thinking they’re participating in some form of social justice
from the uk judgment:
also again:
the media has focused on depp’s jealousy of musk, franco etc as they are public figures, but the judge at the uk trial specifically found:“The fact that Ms van Ree was a woman who had a relationship with Ms Heard may have excacerbated Mr Depp’s feelings towards her”, and “..the jealousy may have been aggravated rather than diminished because Kelly-Sue was a woman.”
but though the uk trial found that some of the abuse depp inflicted on heard was directly linked to depp’s distrust and hatred of lesbian and bisexual women including heard, depp fans claim to believe that they are standing up for survivors of IPV in same-sex couples by attacking heard in depp’s name.
and as pointed out by op, there is a long history of the police arresting gay people for spurious reasons. this is discussed at length in queer (in)justice: the criminalization of lgbt people in america. van ree specifically stated that she believed the arrest to have been motivated by homophobia. (“I (recall) hints of misogynistic attitudes toward us which later appeared to be homophobic when they found out we were domestic partners and not just ‘friends’” [x]). as to the sexuality of the arresting officer, research has continually shown that police officers have similar biases re: race regardless of background and the same would very likely apply to sexuality as these are systemic issues.
there is no way one can pretend to care about bisexual and lesbian women while lending supporting to depp, a man who recently defended his lesbophobic texts by stating lesbophobic insults were not a big deal in 2013, and who was found in a court of law to have abused his partner directly because of her same-sex attraction. this is one of the manyextremely disgusting and disturbing reversals happening in the public discourse re: this trial.
The free PDF of Why Does He Do That? has been deleted from the website I’ve been linking. Does anyone else have a link to another download?
From Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That? (free PDF).
There are no shortcuts to change, no magical overnight transformations, no easy way out…
- Admit fully to his history of psychological, sexual, and physical abusiveness toward any current or past partners. No denial or minimization.
- Acknowledge that the abuse was wrong, unconditionally.
- Acknowledge that his behavior was a choice, not a loss of control.
- Recognize and show empathy for the effects his abuse has had on you and on your children.
- Identify in detail his pattern of controlling behaviors and entitled attitudes.
- Develop respectful behaviors and attitudes to replace the abusive ones he is stopping.
- Reevaluate his distorted image of you, replacing it with a more positive and empathetic view.
- Make amends for the damage he has done.
- Accept the consequences of his actions.
- Commit to not repeating abusive behaviors and honor that commitment.
- Accept the need to give up his privileges and do so.
- Accept that overcoming abusiveness is likely to be a lifelong process.
- Be willing to be accountable for his actions, both past and future.