#daily journal

Eh, still not feeling like writing much. Partially because I don’t want to talk about personal stuff, but also because stuff other than that personal stuff doesn’t really feel “important” enough to write extensively about. I don’t know; maybe that’s not quite the right way to put it. Maybe it’s more that my mind is going through significant shifts in priority, so it’s just kind of weird.

Argh. Still don’t really feel like writing (and figuring out how much of my own activities to write about). But I’ll still make sure to touch in with this blog to make sure I have an opportunity to write things out if I need to, even if I don’t. Though. I might not necessarily do it every day, as I’ve been missing a few lately.

I think I missed a journal entry yesterday? Eh, I don’t know. I haven’t been using Tumblr much recently, so it’s kind of out of mind, on top of me not feeling up to writing—or parsing how much personal information I’d want to share publicly. I’m kind of at a point where I could probably do with just journaling entirely in private to process my thoughts instead, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about managing that sort of stuff.

Things went pretty well today. Still don’t feel like catching up on what went on these past couple of days. Though, in some ways, maybe the things that have been going on lately are things I should be more wary about writing in detail online anyway.

Stuff happened today, and I’ve been really stressed out since. Not quite up for writing about it though.

Explored the colleges website a bit more, and it seems all of the student services are closed—at least the ones on campus. It seems like you have to talk with advisors/counselors virtually. It’s possible that the website is a bit outdated, but I wouldn’t be surprised regardless. I guess I could talk to my father about it: the sorts of programs/classes that I’m interested in and how things seem to be closed.

In other news, after looking up a different show, I noticed that The Owl House had new episodes. I watched one and wrote about it on RambleFang. I’ll probably catch up and write about it more soon.

Since I started recording video and stuff, OneDrive was getting mad at me. I ended up just uninstalling the thing. Not much was on it anyway. At some point I probably will need more storage if I keep up this whole recording and video editing thing, but I’d rather purchase something physical (an SSD might be the thing?) rather than uploading shit into a cloud. But that’s only going to be especially important if I really get into the video editing stuff and actually need to keep this stuff. At present, I’m likely to just delete stuff once I’ve put it on Y*uT*be.

Been thinking about my “ARCA” setting some, and I really want to try watching a bunch of heist movies. Or maybe reading books about heists. I want to do a cyberpunk heist sort of deal, but I need to do research since I’m not especially familiar with the genre. Looking through some lists of the “top heist movies”, it looks like I’d have to weed out a lot of stuff that centers on the cops. I’m looking for the robbers going through the process of an actual heist.

It’s possible though that watching a whole bunch of heist movies can be a hyperfixation that gets me away from Y*uT*be and the FOMO I get from there.

Recorded a third run of Gungeon today, making it the second day in a row that I’ve done so. I probably want to take a break for a bit though, since my throat was feeling sore from it today.

Also explored the college’s website a bit. I either want to study digital media to help out with this stuff I’m getting into or something with social services, which may help me get out there and actually help people.

Made one small step towards the whole getting back to school thing: opening up the college’s website in a browser tab.

Other than that, I managed to record another run of Gungeon. It’s kind of late, so I don’t really want to upload it. But yeah, I did the thing. Maybe at certain milestones within the game I’ll actually watch some of these, so I can have an idea of what I’ve been doing and saying to then be able to think of ways I could be doing things differently.

And if I want to tie this into the whole going back to school thing, maybe I could take a class about video editing and such.

My father came to check in on my progress with getting back to school, which I haven’t made any on beyond getting those transcripts a while ago. I think part of it is that I’m still intimidated about the whole idea of going to school again.

Been thinking about my own stories again lately. Otherwise, not much to write about. I guess I could get myself thinking about what I want to get on with doing, like writing maybe, but meh.

Not much that I feel like talking about; just a check it today.

Started a new Enter the Gungeon save file to record my progress through it. I even uploaded my first run of it onto Y*uT*be. The video is private, and I don’t intend on making it public (or even unlisted), but I’ve now successfully gone through that process. Actually didn’t even watch the thing before uploading it—and I still haven’t. Presently, I just don’t feel like that’s important to me. I’m mainly just interested in going through this process without any specific goals when it comes to, like, trying to get better at being entertaining or something.

Hadn’t been keeping up with the whole wheat-tracking thing, but I was reminded to today after eating a biscuit from a fast food chicken place and experiencing a bit of a sore throat afterwards. It could be due to something else. And, indeed, my few data points are likely to be a tad skewed by me only remembering to add to it when I actually feel occasion to—likely from feeling some form of discomfort.

Also, maybe I should look up if a sore throat is a possible symptom of eating wheat with a wheat sensitivity. The thing is that it’s not exactly a “sore throat”; it’s more that I don’t really know how to describe it. It could be more that my lymph nodes or something are reacting and that’s what I’m feeling. I don’t know.

I feel like I might have missed a journal entry yesterday. I’m not even sure, and I don’t especially care to check. I guess I’ve been kind of zonked out after the scramble to attempt to do the whole audition application thing.

Didn’t end up making the application deadline for the audition. A big part of it is that I didn’t read the application form too well—since I didn’t figure I was actually going to go with it—so a lot of what I ended up working on wasn’t actually following the instructions. And I wasn’t able to pivot on the last day.

But that’s okay. The presense of those auditions was mostly something to push me to learn some stuff and try new things that I had always thought of doing but never actually did. I now know some of the basics about using OBS, very rudimentary video editing, and how to upload something to Y*uT*be. Theoretically, I’m pretty sure I should be able to stream, which might be something I’ll try sometime soon.

Anyway, the main thing I had misremembered was about what the 5-minute video that you needed to submit for the application was supposed to be about. The first (and only time for the longest) I read it I didn’t pay too much attention because I had still been thinking there was no way I was going to try at all. I mostly just came away remembering “self-introduction” and “5 minutes”. But when I looked at it again today, as I understood it now, the idea was more to make a “potential vtuber character”, introduce yourself and do stuff as that character. And I simply would have needed more time to develop such a character—on top of the other stuff I was doing: the foundational stuff of just recording myself talking while doing stuff at all.

But if I continue to mess around with these things, maybe I’ll find other opportunities in the future. Hell, I could probably try messing around with some free assets that are around to be a “PNGtuber” or something. Practice the whole character creation and performance thing that way.

Managed to record something that’s just about 5 minutes that I just need to trim a bit from the beginning and end. Might still give it a couple more tries tomorrow though—mostly because I didn’t really know how to end it. Should probably end it with some form of thanks or something. (As opposed to trailing off when I both felt like I said what I wanted to and it seemed to have been about five minutes.)

Also, my transcripts came in the mail. So after this whole audition application, I guess I’ll look at programs available at the community college.

Been stressing since I had decided to take this whole application thing more seriously just a few days before the deadline. Haven’t actually gotten around to messing with video editing: mostly because I’m very confident that my initial go and creating some raw footage absolutely sucks. Today I actually wrote down some notes about what I want to talk about, and I might at least practice a bit of an intro to start things off before trying to do things on the fly while playing a game. Basically I want to have a second go at recording some raw material to work with. I didn’t do it today because, instead, I used my voice to use OBS to record myself singing karaoke.

Theoretically at least, since I have a better idea of what I want to talk about for my second go at raw footage, I probably don’t need to go through with a whole Gungeon run and I won’t need to trawl through quite as much garbage.

• Have something that can even remotely be recognized as an intro (which my first recording didn’t really have, until, like, 40 minutes in somewhere)
• Be a bit more focused talking about specific topics (which I’ve written out in notes), hopefully making it so that there would be less of a giant mess of cuts necessary
• Do it all live as a significant show of the whole: talking while doing other stuff thing
  

Did a Gungeon commentary-recording with the specific intent of trying to make material that I could cut together as part of the Nijisanji audition application. Ended up struggling to actually watch the thing and figure out what parts to use. There’s still a bit of time to try to actually get this done, and, even if it’s kind of late, I do want to at least try to make something of it.

Been wondering if I could record myself doing the karaoke thing using OBS. That could be fun.

“the opposite of love is fear.”

ig: cawefee