#connor x evan
tw // manipulation and toxic relationships
i hate treebros in deh it’s super toxic evan literally used connor’s death to his advantage and connor bullied evan and the fact that y’all liked it so much that y’all had to come up with a quirky shipname for it does not sit right with me.
Person: So do you have any hobbies?
Me, when I’ve done nothing but listen to musicals and act them out in my bedroom: Umm…
Michael singing “I’m Still Hurting” from The Last Five Years to Jeremy.
Jeremy is over and Jeremy’s gone
Jeremy’s decided it’s his time to move on
Jeremy has new dreams he’s building upon
And I’m still hurting.
BEN PLATT AND NOAH GALVIN ARE DATING!!!
Connor and Evan’s relationship in a nutshell
Evan: No you ask, I’m scared.
Connor: Fucksake move, I’ll ask.
I was listening to From Now On from The Greatest Showman and saw this comment
So in other words, I love Ben Platt
Theatre kid; Yeah, I’ve been going to ballet and tap classes since I was a fetus and I got the lead in the last three shows I’ve been in and my aunt is Idina Menzel. Anyway, what shows have you been in?
Me, with my zero ounce of talent but obsession with musical theatre;
Going to the orchard was a bad idea.
It was rundown, the few other families that were there didn’t look as happy as they were supposed to be, rotten apples were just strewn across yellow grass where groundskeepers hadn’t bothered to pick them up, even the swing set which Connor and Zoe used to play on had turned orange with rust from age, and Connor doubted that it’d even be able to hold a child’s weight anymore.
The Murphy family were having a picnic at the orchard.
“I think we could all do with some reminisce of the glory days.” Cynthia had said when the family argued on what a terrible idea that was.
Connor had attempted suicide, nearly successfully too. That was why they were participating in this sad state of affairs, “family time.” He’d had it planned for months, the suicide, but finally worked up the bollocks to go through with it a couple of weeks ago. He took pills out of Larry’s medicine cabinet and fucked off to the park after a big fight about his hair.
His hair. Connor nearly killed himself because his dad disapproved of his hair. The one thing he felt like he had control over and it nearly made him loose everything.
Obviously it wasn’t just his hair that made Connor not want to live anymore, but it was what pushed him over the edge that day.
Now, however, saw Cynthia sitting on an old, threadbare, checkered picnic blanket on the rough ground. Larry was next to her, resting on his knees and a pitiful spread of food was laid out before them.
Zoe was laying down, Connor couldn’t tell if she was cloud watching or asleep.
And Connor? He was just sitting with his long legs stretched out, covered by the heavy fabric of his jeans even on such a hot day.
The silence was near unbearable. The only sound was that of the family on the other side of the field. Two parents and two young toddlers, a girl and a boy. Like the Murphy family had once been, hopeful and young and full of laughter.
There wasn’t much hope anymore. Hell, there was fuck all laughter either. And Connor hadn’t been young for a long time, his childhood was ripped from him by mental illness before he was done with it.
He hadn’t been done dressing up for Halloween. He hadn’t been done with getting excited over Christmas, waiting up till midnight with hot chocolate. He wasn’t done with Easter Egg Hunting or having birthday parties.
Connor wasn’t done with living, but by the time he realised this, he was too late and his brain had decided for him.
“Isn’t this nice?” Cynthia asked in a falsely sweet voice, “That family over there reminds me of you two. My God, you were so young.” She sighed and clutched at her heart, looking over at the family as if she could pretend her children were still babies and that her family was not falling apart at the seams.
“How is this nice?” Zoe asked quietly. Ah so she wasn’t asleep, Connor thought.
“Zoe.” Larry warned. Suddenly the whole mood shifted from a quiet, depressing silence to a heavy and tense atmosphere.
“So is this why you brought us here, Mum?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could really glare at her parents, “To relive the ‘glory days’ and pretend that your son didn’t just try to off himself?”
Connor didn’t dare steal a glance at Cynthia, he knew what her facial expression would be. Heartbreak and disappointment, the same damn expression she wore every day of this pitiful little life.
He could hear the tears welling up in his mother’s brown eyes, so much like her daughters when she next spoke, “Zoe sweetheart, please don’t bring up-“
“Bring up what?” Zoe said in a much louder, firmer voice. “The fact that Connor nearly died? Are we just going to come back to the last place where we were all fucking happy for once and that suddenly fixes everything? You’re not even talking about getting Connor help!”
“Connor doesn’t need-“ Larry began, but Zoe cut him off with a harsh, ironic laugh.
“You’re not going to get him into therapy then? For what? A reputation?” She asked mockingly, “You know what you’re doing?” She hissed, eyes glazed over in tears, “You’re killing my brother.” She punctuated each word with a swift punch to the ground, leaving quite an impressive dent in the yellow grass.
“No!” Larry yelled, standing up and glaring down at his daughter. “Connor is killing himself!”
Don’t get involved, Connor thought, you’ll only make it worse. Don’t get involved. Don’t get involved. Slam on the brakes. Don’t-
Connor stood up and rounded on Larry.
For a moment he questioned whether or not he should punch him square in the jaw. He could, it’d certainly be deserving and he’d had more than enough practise with his wall and other dickheads in the past.
Connor reeled his arm back, balled up his fists, narrowed his eyes and-
He couldn’t do it.
Instead, he did the next best thing. Dropping his arm down at his side, Connor starred his father right in the eye and hissed, “Fuck you.”
He jammed his fists into the pockets of his black hoodie and stormed off. He was a good distance away from the explosion he’d just created when he realised he was crying.
Connor liked to think he never cried and if you just saw him passing on the streets, you’d never peg him as the type of guy to cry himself to sleep every night. The tough persona was both a beautiful blessing and a painful curse.
But he did. Cry. At night. In the shower. About his depression, his family, the pressure of school, or something stupid like an advert on TV that reminded him of something.
And it always started out the same, a few tears cascading down his cheekbones like a great, unfinished symphony of a waterfall before the dam broke and soon he was gasping for air between sobs.
Connor was always an ugly crier, the sobs were loud and choking and were ripped out from his throat so violently he felt as if he’d lost all control. Tears flooded his blue/brown eyes before his vision got blurry and he couldn’t see where he was going but he didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted to go. Far away. Away from Larry, away from the people are school who called him a freak, away from his fucking brain and it’s fucked up thoughts and it wasn’t fucking normal to be feeling this way!
Everything was heavy, putting one foot in front of the other was effort. He could feel the blood running through his veins and he wondered, just for a moment, what it would be like if he were to… to-
Stop.
Stop everything.
To die. What does it feel like to die? Some people call it ‘The Big Sleep’.
Would it be peaceful? Would it be loud? Would he be able to hear the voices in his head until the very end? Or would the threat of death scare them away? For good? Would they come back? Where? In heaven? In hell? Even if Connor believed in heaven and hell, which he didn’t, he knew he’d definitely be going to the latter.
He suddenly got the urge to lay on the ground. To lay on the soft, healthy grass now that he’d created a safe distance between himself and the orchard, and stare up at the sky. It was a light blue, a few clouds dotted here and there and then Connor was laughing. He was laughing so hard he couldn’t tell whether the tears were from his breakdown or his laughter.
God, it was ridiculous. Life is ridiculous. It’s like some cruel joke, he was so free lying on this grass but he’d never felt more trapped, more insignificant than he had lying on this grass, starring up at the sky, at the universe which had cleverly, oh so fucking cleverly, trapped us all.
And he was so caught up in his laughter that Connor didn’t hear the footsteps cautiously approaching him. He didn’t notice the figure hovering over him.
Until he did.
“H-Hi.” Someone stuttered and Connor was pulled out of his detachment to stand up properly and see who the fuck was talking to him now. It was a boy, around his age, short and blond with a blue polo shirt and brown khakis and a cast on his arm.
“Hi?” Connor asked, an eyebrow raised and he was probably being rude but did he care?
Maybe a bit.
“S-Sorry.” The boy began, “Its j-just you looked, um, well I saw y-you crying and-“
“I’m sorry,” Connor interrupted in the most unapologetic tone, “But who are you?”
“Evan Hansen.”
*****************
Hey guys, this is the first chapter to my Dear Evan Hansen Treebros fanfic ‘Firefly’ I really hope you like it and if you did there are 24 other chapters ((and more coming!!)) on my AO3 account @drac_hoe_no
Thank you!!!
Xoxo
Someone sent this to me but honestly the world needs to see it.
Ben Platt has been nominated for a Golden Globe for playing Payton in The Politician and I am in tears
HE… DIDNT… WIN????????????? I’m in tears again but for a whole different reason now.
If you’re sad, here’s Mike Faist blowing a kiss
Zoe: Are you high?
Connor:What?
Zoe:High?
Connor:Hello.
“Stop singing songs that are out of your vocal range”
Ben Platt has been nominated for a Golden Globe for playing Payton in The Politician and I am in tears
Connor Murphy and Jake Dillinger are best friends, I don’t make the rules.
Connor, walking over to Evan: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk in again??
Evan: Connor, this is Maths class!
@ me next time
