I once had a bunch of guys tell me that they didn’t approve of my short skirts (that I had only put on because we were in Jamaica) because it made me look slutty, and then proceed to call me a slut because they found out I was bisexual and couldn’t make up my mind about whether I wanted c*** or p****. Joke’s on you, dearest male cousins, because I’m actually a decent person, which is why girls are happier to flirt with me than any of you.
if you don’t think biphobia is real pls unfollow me right now :)
if you think bi women are disgusting for sleeping with men doubly so :)
this was a post on r/truelesbians where op was asking “why are bi women rejected by a lot of lesbians?”
what i think a lot of ppl don’t understand when they call us “bincels” and “rapey” when we call out biphobia is that— we don’t, in fact, want lesbians to date us. not if they’re going to be saying shit like this. it’s the horrible things they say that we criticize.
i feel physically sick reading things like this. and these are p common opinions to have. if you aren’t really confident or secure in your sexuality/identity (which i’m not), you start to internalize these things. it takes a toll on you. the shame and self hatred can get overwhelming sometimes.
and there are ppl who try to say this doesn’t happen, it’s not an actual problem, bi women are just whiny and self victimizing. here is just a fraction of the receipts. there are literally hundreds of posts and comments like this on that sub and other similar subs.
i have always supported lesbians and will continue to support lesbians, and i am grateful to the lesbians who have done the same for me— but ultimately, bi women come first. i haven’t seen things like this on my own dash but if/when i do, i will call it out, even if i am laughed at, insulted, ridiculed, attacked, etc. i try to avoid getting into discourse as much as possible as it’s extremely stressful for me but we need to stand up for ourselves. no one else will.
bi women i love you we are not dirty, impure, tainted or lesser in any way because of our attraction to men regardless of what anyone says. i say that but i even have a hard time accepting it myself.
we are perfect the way we are. we are whole.weareenough
this shit also really just drives home the point that there’s a difference between someone being biphobic and someone just not wanting to date bi people.
just not wanting to date us bc you want to share the experience of being fully homosexual with your partner? perfectly understandable, i prefer to date other bisexual people for that exact reason. not wanting to date us just because you don’t want to, no explanation required? also fine! you don’t have to know why or want to say why, you’re allowed to not date anyone you don’t want to date for any reason.
explicitly stating that you find us disgusting and that you think about us having sex with men constantly and it disgusts you? maybe work that out with a therapist and also leave bi women the fuck alone. and don’t be mad at us when we don’t entertain your biphobia as something valid to think about us :)
this kinda shit is also directed towards lesbians who thought they were bi/generally aren’t ‘gold stars’ for whatever reason. and that’s pretty shitty, too. maybe stop and think about why you thing women who have slept with men are disgusting to you. misogyny and biphobia wrapped into one shitty belief lmao love that.
side note, yes it’s natural to think about who your partner has been with, but if you’re obsessing over it to such a degree that you make yourself nauseated thinking about it, that’s a problem. and if you have sex with us anyway and are actively trying not to think about something that revolts you that much, i would suggest perhaps not doing that and stop being a shitty person. no one deserves to have a sexual partner who thinks they’re gross.
The ironic paradox of biphobia and lesbophobia is that lesbophobia will have you believe society wants you to be bi and biphobia will have you believe society wants you to be lesbian. The reality is that society does not want you to be lesbian or bi; that society only wants you to be straight, but will not hesitate to use other identities against you. If that means tricking you into believing your closest allies occupy a higher social standing than you and wish to keep you beneath them in the same way the straights do to them, then so be it. It’s not even divide and conquer, its recruiting us to do their own bidding and ridding them of us in the process. Heterosexuals as a class do not prefer lesbians to bisexuals or bisexuals to lesbians, thought individually each one might have differing opinions on which are most or least acceptable.
Attempting to convince you that bi privilege or monosexual privilege exists is an intended to shift our arms towards our allies instead of our oppressors.
I know that violence is not an appropriate response to nonviolent actions but I still want to crack every “biphobia is just misplaced [x]/biphobic statements are also [y] because intersectionality” asshole over the head
You know good and goddamn well that BIPHOBIA, the hatred of someone specifically for being BISEXUAL, is not “misplaced homophobia”. If they were saying “ew you sleep with [same sex]? Disgusting” then you would have an argument, but that’s not what we’re referring to and you fucking know it, we’re referring specifically to people (ESPECIALLY people within the LGBT community) whose problem with us is entirely the fact that we are sexually attracted to both, and who make shitty statements such as “actually you’re gay/straight/confused/slutty/greedy/disgusting” etc.
ALSO!Notevery issue effects more that one group! Sometimes hatred of a group…only effects that group! It doesn’t apply to people outside that group and no amount of “but Intersectionalism!” is going to make you right! Biphobia and biphobic comments affect bisexuals, not straights, not lesbians, not gays, not transgender people, just bisexual people.
Stop trying to make biphobia about other groups, either care about it because it affects bisexuals or don’t, but don’t pretend it affects other groups so you can pretend to care.
Hey I get that compulsory heterosexuality is a thing and all but can we maybe stop trying to convince bi girls that they aren’t actually attracted to guys….I mean can we get rid of the idea that a bi girl who lusts after men is somehow doing a great disservice to the wlw community or being disloyal to who she “really” is…compulsive heterosexuality is real but guess what bisexuality is too and it’s a very valid identity
all this “centering men” discourse is making me lose it i thought we were over this 4 years ago. anyway here’s the thing. even if a bi woman is dating a man or talking about wanting to date a man, she’s still not “centering men”. bi women are autonomous beings within our own lives that choose to cultivate relationships that fulfill US, that center OURSELVES. this idea that us daring to cultivate those relationships with men or reference them in any way is “centering men” is just indicative that you think of us as nothing but extensions of these men and it’s deeply misogynist.
why is it that that when a lesbian only has casual sex with other women and is scared of relationships with women it’s plain as day to u all that they’re dealing with internalised homophobia. but when a bi women does the same thing ppl immediately jump to accuse us of ‘using women sexually’ and 'exploiting other women’. not to mention the implications there of casual sex being inherently exploitative if you see it this way. like can you see the problem here? do u see the issue with that? why are you so comfortable calling bi women predatory? huh?
Not to get into this again, but it’s seriously disturbing to see how some people talk about bisexuals in m/w relationships. I legitimately saw someone tell a bisexual person to be careful not to “center themself” in mixed orientation lgbt spaces because they were in a m/w relationship. The stereotype that bisexuals are greedy isn’t limited just to sex, but anything a bisexual person does. When we talk about our bisexuality, its us being greedy. When we bring our other gender partner along, it’s us being greedy. If we want bisexual specific resources, greedy. If we assert biphobia is its own prejudice outside homophobia, greedy. We’re greedy for attention, time, resources, etc.
the amount of times my heart has broken a little when i’ve seen a bisexual kid say they “hate being half-straight” or “hate that they’re attracted to men and can’t help it” and see potentially ending up in an m/f relationship as a death sentence…like honey…
btw i’m fucking sick of how people in our OWN COMMUNITY, not only cishets, treat bisexual kids. if i have to see ONE MORE bisexual child apologize for being bisexual to absolutely anybody i’m going to scream. if i have to see ONE MORE bisexual child attempt to redefine their identity, inhibit themselves, try to fit into something else to seem more progressive or less like an “impostor” because somebody told them that being bisexual is regressive, wrong, dirty, etc, i’m going to scream. because it’s not bisexual adults biphobes are harassing, the majority are fucking children, i have not met a single other bisexual adult my age who was not made to feel guilty about their identity as a bisexual CHILD at the hands of people who are supposed to be our allies.
i was personally pressured into accepting the split attraction model when i was a child. i identified as biromantic homosexual, then panromantic homosexual, panromantic demisexual, etc, so i didn’t seem like those bisexuals who “do it for attention”, those “transphobic” bisexuals, those “bisexuals who are mostly straight”, those “bisexuals who should just call themselves straight”, those “bisexuals who prefer men”, etc. I haven’t met another adult bisexual who did not feel the need to identify as a FEB as a child and even then apologize for daring to just THINK about men, or identify as homoromantic bisexual, biromantic homosexual, pansexual, and whatever other terms people invent.
when i came out as bisexual to my friends the first thing that came out of one of their mouths was “i’m sorry you like men.” i lost friends after coming out as bisexual. i got called a traitor, i got nasty fucking anons about my boyfriend, about myself, got told shit on anon like “i used to be attracted to you but not anymore”, etc, and i was absolutely terrified of coming out on this website after seeing so many of my mutuals get driven off after coming out as bisexual. when i was questioning my sexuality, still outwardly identifying as a lesbian, people i thought were my friends would talk shit about bisexual women to me, question their sexuality, question their motives, question their sex lives and fidelity.
so yeah, if going through that hurt just as badly as a grown ass 19 year old adult as it did when i was 12, i know it has to hurt for bisexual children today. bisexual kids, i love you. if your identity changes, that is okay, if your attraction changes as you get older, that’s okay too, if you’re questioning, that’s fine, but don’t ever let anybody force you into picking a “better” term. you are bisexual, you are enough. bisexual is trans inclusive. It is nonbinary inclusive. it is not a dirty word.
adults who try to convince bisexual kids who did NOT ask that they’re anything but, hell is hot lol
yes yes bisexuals in m/f relationships are “valid” but are you truly internalizing that the individuals in these relationships do not have the privilege people believe them to have and that they are essential to both the bisexual community and the lgbt community and furthermore there is nothing wrong with them having platforms or leadership in their communities or them being the center of a conversation. are you even acknowledging the diversity they possess?
y’all are just too dumb for me “no it’s okay i was talking about white bi women” “no it’s okay i was talking about cis bi women” “no it’s okay i was talking about bi women in relationships with men” just shut up you aren’t fucking funny. biphobia is biphobia and your jokes aren’t funny it’s. biphobia.
one of the most infuriating productions of the depp pr machine is people who see themselves as fighting for disbelieved minority groups or something (men who are victims of women) believing the false narrative that heard abused her ex wife hinged on the idea that cops with the right identity politics suddenly are more credible than lesbian and bisexual women they police. this is, mind you based on an arrest that depp’s team vindictively dug up after it had been removed from her record. depp has called van ree a “fucking hovering vulture,”(page 50) called heard as someone with “matronliness as a lesbian camp counsellor”(page 247) - and these are just statements that are undisputed because they’re in writing; depp tried to deny the second one and state that it didn’t matter since he never “uttered” the words out loud.
johnny depp was jealous and possessive of heard around many people, including other women, including specifically her ex-wife. he took the experience of a young amber heard who considered herself married to another woman in a time before gay marriage was legal, took the experience of what it was like to be policed, to feel like you were being targeted by the police for your sexuality, specifically, and twisted it into being somehow a compelling and undisputed case of abuse in the minds of the public. he took her ex who was so close with her it made him pissed off and said her voice didn’t matter and actually she was a victim. because of this fucking ridiculous arrest where all charges were dropped. it’s bewildering that anyone could even dream of holding tasya van ree against heard, whilst still thinking they’re participating in some form of social justice
from the uk judgment:
also again:
the media has focused on depp’s jealousy of musk, franco etc as they are public figures, but the judge at the uk trial specifically found:“The fact that Ms van Ree was a woman who had a relationship with Ms Heard may have excacerbated Mr Depp’s feelings towards her”, and “..the jealousy may have been aggravated rather than diminished because Kelly-Sue was a woman.”
but though the uk trial found that some of the abuse depp inflicted on heard was directly linked to depp’s distrust and hatred of lesbian and bisexual women including heard, depp fans claim to believe that they are standing up for survivors of IPV in same-sex couples by attacking heard in depp’s name.
and as pointed out by op, there is a long history of the police arresting gay people for spurious reasons. this is discussed at length in queer (in)justice: the criminalization of lgbt people in america. van ree specifically stated that she believed the arrest to have been motivated by homophobia. (“I (recall) hints of misogynistic attitudes toward us which later appeared to be homophobic when they found out we were domestic partners and not just ‘friends’” [x]). as to the sexuality of the arresting officer, research has continually shown that police officers have similar biases re: race regardless of background and the same would very likely apply to sexuality as these are systemic issues.
there is no way one can pretend to care about bisexual and lesbian women while lending supporting to depp, a man who recently defended his lesbophobic texts by stating lesbophobic insults were not a big deal in 2013, and who was found in a court of law to have abused his partner directly because of her same-sex attraction. this is one of the manyextremely disgusting and disturbing reversals happening in the public discourse re: this trial.
“…if bisexual people want to have their own board, the City should do that, but that it would not be serving bisexual people well to have their issues combined with others.”
“…spoke against having a separate board, because younger people are moving toward not defining themselves in these ways…”
“…the Board could ask the City Council to begin a Bisexual Task Force.”
ED. NOTE. The LA Bi Task Force regularly holds events and meetings in West Hollywood.
“…the Board is barely able to get through the agenda it already has, without adding an additional subject.”
“…moved to ask the City Council to consider whether there is a need to form a Bisexual Task Force to do a needs assessment of the bisexual community.”
“…supports the idea of asking the City Council to consider a Bisexual Task Force, but that she had joined a Lesbian and Gay board.”
“…talk to their own Councilmembers to see if there is a need for this in the community, and if so, to possibly come back with it in the future.
”…said the Board spends a large majority of its time on gay issues, and that people of all orientations might be better served by having one large board.“
”…said members were appointed to represent their particular identity as gay or lesbian, and that he didn’t want to presume to speak on someone else’s identity.“
“said that we are moving toward having one voice as a community, and would like to help people form an LGBT task force, seeing the changing nature of the community…”
I’m bothered by the discussion around Amber Heard revolving around the notion that “bisexuality doesn’t justify violence”. Not because it’s untrue, but because it’s superficial.
The real issue here is that women are punished by patriarchy for being bisexual. That our bisexuality is perceived as such a threat to cishet masculinity that physical violence seems an appropriate response to it. That women’s bisexuality is a punishable crime.
This whole discussion demonstrates the power dynamics around women’s bisexuality and the depth of sapphobia (misogyny against bi women) in society. The terms of the discussion should move beyond apologetics (i.e. we don’t deserve this) and into in-depth explorations of why this violence is perceived as acceptable.
As a 26 year old multi-romantic asexual, I’m so thankful to the older biro-bisexuals who’ve been seeing the parallels between the treatment of ace and aro individuals with the treatment of bi individuals, even when they’re not on the aro or ace spectrum themselves, and actually saying something about it.
There’s a lot of biphobic and panphobic arguments concerning the exclusion of aces and aros, but you’re not even stopping there but talking about how arguments against aces and aros are almost word-for-word with your own lived in experiences with biphobia, and I really, really appreciate your allyship.
