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I’ve put a lot of research into this, and I’ve seen a lot of great rogue-like characters, where the author was clearly unsure as to how they perform their criminal activities. If you feel the need to ask why I know this stuff, my main writings are for a book series called “A Thief’s War,” which should be more than enough explanation. I swear I’m not personally a thief.

Anyway, here we go:

Lockpicking:

I’ve seen some stories where characters grab a paperclip, and boom, no lock can stop them. I’ve also seen some where master thieves take a hammer and smash the lock.

A lock has a series of tumblers in it, each of which need to click into place for it to unlock. A key’s design is usual exactly what it must be to get these tumblers into the proper position.

There are a wide array of shapes and sizes for lockpicks, and if you’re going to go around picking locks, you’re going to need more than one. There is no universal lockpick. Furthermore, for some reason a lot of people don’t include the secondary locking tool: a lock wrench. This is used to turn the the lock, and to keep the tumblers in place once you’ve appropriately placed them with the lockpick.

A lockpicker will know that a tumbler is in place when they hear it click, but the noise is usually quiet, so they’ll often have their ear close to the door.

Can you pick a lock with a paperclip? Yes, but it’s hard as hell, and a paperclip won’t fit into all locks. Not to mention it’s a pain turning the lock once the tumblers are in place.

 With code locks, a lot of movies or books show someone pressing their ear closely to the lock, whilst turning it, and listening for a click when it hits the right number. This actually works. These are the most useless goddamn locks in history.

Now, if you’re writing modern day, with smart locks and various other such tech, I’m afraid I can’t help. I haven’t studied that as much. Though, the previous advice will help for most locks, and that information still applies to basically all types of lock that aren’t incredibly expensive.

Sneaking:

The dashing rogue slips through the shadows, his cloak billowing behind him, and somehow none of the dozen patrolling guards walking right by happen to notice him.

Yeah, that’s not how it works.

Sneaking involves a lot of remaining very still, knowing your surroundings, and holding your breath.

A thief infiltrating a house will scout it out, usually for weeks in advance. Sometimes they’ll pose as various businessmen, and try to get the owners of the house let them in for a while so they can study the ins and outs of it. Cracking open a window isn’t quiet, and you need to know what doors will creak and what doors won’t.

If you’re trying to sneak, you need to try and stick near furniture and heavy objects. The floor isn’t nearly as likely to creak when you’re near these. Furthermore, you need to step lightly, and wear the appropriate footwear. Usually some cloth wrapping’s around one’s feet will help to be quiet, but avoid any shoes that might make clacking noises, or sound like they’re peeling off the floor when they move. A thief will also neverscuff their feet, if they’re any good at sneaking.

Black clothing only helps you sneak if it’s dark, and your surroundings aren’t bright coloured. If you’re in a city of white buildings and marble, you’ll want matching attire. This is just for if you’re skulking about a city, though. Just make sure you don’t stand out. However, dark clothing will greatly help you not be seen from a distance when it’s night.

If a thief suspects someone is nearby, they should always try to locate a nearby hiding spot, and remain perfectly still. Do not move, and a good thief will hold their breath if they start getting anxious, as heavy breathing could easily give someone away.

Many stories also don’t seem to account for the fact that various rogues and criminals have shadows, too. Even a quick and subtle movement of a shadow might be enough to give away one’s presence. It’s really, really hard to actually sneak up on someone due to this, and several other factors. Most people will actually feel tense, and usually catch wind of it if someone is sneaking up behind them, as even very quiet sounds and movements like breathing will subconsciously register to people if you get too close.

I’m a master assassin, and I carry a goddamn greatsword:

There is a reason they would use daggers. Assassins didn’t usually sneak into the king’s bedchamber in the dead of night, without being seen once. There are guards. A long hallway with two guards standing in front of the door at the end, there is absolutely no way to slip past that.

They would usually have to get into the building during the day, disguised as a servant, or even another guard. They’d have to wait for the perfect opportunity to sneak into that nobleman’s bedchamber, midday when he was absent, and then wait in there for hours.

If the assassin is sneaking in at night, they rarely go through the interior of the building. Just like a thief, they’ll get the layout of the building, and then they’ll usually enter through a window, or wherever is closest to the target. If they don’t have those guard patrols memorised, they’re screwed.

But you know what’s not subtle? An assassin carrying around a scimitar, or some flashy crossbow. If you’re going to sneak past people, you need a weapon no one will see, and that you can probably hide if someone decides to search you.

Fingerprints:

This is mainly relevant for modern era stories, and I just wanted to say that I’ve seen a few shows where a criminal isn’t wearing gloves throughout the whole thing. You always wear gloves, you never leave the murder weapon. If you touched something without gloves, you may as well take it with you to avoid risk.

Slipping out of Handcuffs:

This usually requires dislocating your fingers. Ouch. But, if the one cuffing or tying up the thief isn’t paying too much attention, you can keep your hands at an appropriate angle that the cuffs will not go on correctly, or the ropes not pulled tight enough, and you can probably slip out of them.

Who needs masks when you have shadowy hoods?

Guess what the easiest facial feature to notice in the dark is? If you guessed eyes, then you’re right. But, if you’re blending in, and your eyes are veiled by the hood that’s somehow not obscuring your vision while you crane your neck downwards to ensure that it covers your face, then people are usually still going to be able to see your lips, which stand out the second most of any feature on a person.

Yes, a hood is good if you’re trying to blend in. But it’s not good for making sure people don’t see your face. Wear a damned mask.

This is all I’ve got, for now. Hope it helps someone!

TV Review: The Avengers ‘68 Set 5

TV Review: The Avengers ’68 Set 5

TV Review: The Avengers ’68 Set 5

In 1961, a new show hit the airwaves in Britain, The Avengers. The main character was Dr. David Keel (Ian Hendry) whose wife had been murdered. He’s recruited by spy John Steed (Patrick McNee) to be an expert consultant in exchange for help avenging his spouse. After the fairly gritty first season, Mr. Hendry departed for a movie career and Steed became the main…

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Manga Review: Lady Snowblood Vol. 1: The Deep-Seated Grudge Pt. 1

Manga Review: Lady Snowblood Vol. 1: The Deep-Seated Grudge Pt. 1

Manga Review: Lady Snowblood Vol. 1: The Deep-Seated Grudge Pt. 1 story by Kazuo Koike, art by Kazuo Kamimura

It is the Meiji Era, and Japan is rapidly modernizing. Some have even suggested abolishing the Japanese language in favor of one easier to communicate in! But some traditions are more deeply rooted than others, like revenge. If you can find her, and pay her exorbitant price, the assassin…

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Manga Review: Apollo’s Song

Manga Review: Apollo’s Song

Manga Review: Apollo’s Song by Osamu Tezuka

Shogo Chikaishi is an unhappy young man. He has no idea who his birth father was, and his mother supported them by inviting a string of horny men to her bed. She had little love to spare for her child, who often got in the way of getting her customers to part with their cash. Sometimes he even glimpsed moments of his mother and her clients making the…

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“I know exactly what you never said. You refrained from saying it very loudly.” Vetinari raised an eyebrow. “I am extremely angry, Mr. Lipwig.”

“But I’ve been dropped right in it!”

“Not by me,” said Vetinari. “I can assure you that if I had, as your ill-assumed street patois has it, ‘dropped you in it,’ you would fully understand all meanings of ‘drop’ and have an unenviable knowledge of ‘it.’”

“You know what I mean!”

“Dear me, is this the real Moist von Lipwig speaking, or is it just the man looking forward to his very nearly gold chain? Topsy Lavish knew she was going and simply changed her will. I salute her for it. The staff will accept you more easily, too. And she’s done you a great favor.”

“Favor? I was shot at!”

“That was just the Assassins’ Guild dropping you a note to say they are watching you.”

“There were two shots!”

“Possibly for emphasis?” said Vetinari, sitting down on a velvet-covered chair.

-Making Money, Terry Pratchett

new uquiz just dropped: which musical theater micro-genre are you? composed entirely of genres i made up myself. rb and let me know your results in the tags!

Beaten.

Took awhile for me to complete cuz can never be satisfied with the results. Here are my two assassins again.

Almost 1,000 years ago, the most fearful killing machine had emerged. It made so much noise (in all senses) that, till this day, it is still inconclusively discussable. One of the major debates it created is the etymology of its name, “the Assassins”.
Most historians assert the idea that the word “Assassin” - one of the words that Shakespeare invented - had actually derived from “Hashashin” (Hashish consumers), which is quite supported and hard to contest.
However, there’s also a hypothesis suggesting that Hassan-i Sabbah, the founder, actually called his men “El-Assassiyun”, considering their path “Assassi”; a word derived from “El-Assass” which means the foundation or the base [of religion, as he thought]. Though it lacks support, it, somehow, sounds more relevant to me for if “Hashishiyun” or “Hashishin” was the etymological word for “Assassin”, Shakespeare would have used “Hashishin” or, at least, “Ashishin”.
On top of that, Assassins were known to be almost perfect in operating. It is actually believed that, one day, to exterminate a priest, two Assassins had to pretend being monks for two months to fulfill the mission. It somehow cannot make sense if they were Hashish consumers.
Adding to that, the “drugging them to believing they were in paradise" theory not only does not, but rationally cannot make sense. The drug’s effects have only moments before vanishing. The Assassins would then comprehend the trick.
Thus, Hassan-i had something more efficient for them to accept death and to believe in earning Paradise: rhetoric. It is believed that Hassan-i, while young, attended a school in Egypt specialised in persuasion. Let alone the fact that he nearly had answers for all questions.

Blind faith is the heaviest drug.

Like many people with no actual morals, Lord Downey didhave standards, and Teatime repelled him.

Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Fic Prompt: After being killed, Lee wakes up to a time before before he met Connor. Knowing the boy’s potential and certain of his grandmaster’s willingness, he decides to change things. Connor Kenway would be a Templar.