Me….I’m always looking for my favorites to feed my fetish. These from my girl @petesdomgirl36
I thought I would write a little and provide some useful information about subdrop and aftercare, since I have just had to help a close friend deal with her first experience of subdrop and although she knew what it was, she did not realise that is what she was going through and did not know how to deal with it.
What Is Subdrop?
Subdrop is the emotional and physical symptoms felt by a submissive that is caused by tiring out the body and the release of adrenalin, endorphins, hormones and other chemicals that create a natural high during a scene, leading to a subsequent ‘come down’ afterwards, similar to the effects of illicit drugs. It can leave a sub feeling exhausted, depressed, sad and very emotional. This can include feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment and other negative thoughts, but you should realise that this is simply your body’s natural response to a very intense experience, it is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong and you are not to blame.
Subs will often experience subdrop in different ways, some may feel the effects of it more intensely than others and it can last for varying periods of time, anywhere from an hour up to a few weeks afterwards, but it is only temporary and will eventually pass. It is important that you learn to recognise subdrop, because once you understand that you are feeling the effects of it, you can begin to address it and simply knowing why you are feeling that way will also help, especially when it comes to your emotions and feelings. Try to communicate, interact and stay in contact with your Dom or others, who can help you cope with your emotions and how you are feeling, by offering you support and talking you through it. Following the other advice I have included below will also help you recover from the effects of subdrop.
For the all the Doms, Dommes, Masters and Mistresses out there, this is just as crucial for You, as it is for Your sub. Subdrop is very real and not some myth, so aftercare and helping Your sub deal with the effects of it should be just as important as what You might do during a scene, especially as You are essentially responsible for Your sub feeling the effects of it and caring for Your sub is part of the responsibility that comes with being a Dominant. Aftercare should not be neglected and staying in contact with Your sub, offering them reassurance, validation and support will help during this vulnerable time and they should not have to go through this alone. Although some subs do prefer time to themselves, You should at least offer and ask what You can do to help, as everyone is different and their needs will vary.
If You do neglect aftercare and ignore subdrop, then the effects can begin to outweigh the benefits and enjoyment that Your sub may feel during a scene with You, which can cause problems for Your relationship with them and even end it. It is also worth pointing out that Dominants and switches can also feel a form of ‘drop’ after a scene, which I won’t address, but You can read more about it in the links I have provided at the end of this article.
So What Is Aftercare?
Aftercare is the name given to the process of being there with a partner for a sufficient amount of time, so they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium and recover from the effects of a scene. It is equally important to recognise that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandoned or a loss far exceeding the pleasure they might have felt during the scene.
Aftercare can include practical things such as making sure a sub is physically taken care of, treating any injuries, keeping them warm, allowing them to rest and making sure they have enough to eat or drink. Aftercare should also include attending to the emotional needs of a sub by offering them support, reassurance and validation. This can include showing them affection by cuddling or holding them, even gentle and loving sex, as well as asking how they are feeling, talking through the scene with them and their experience, answering any questions they might have and giving them a lot of positive reinforcement, such as saying how proud You are of them. This can continue after you have parted ways and for several days afterwards, by staying in contact and checking on their recovery.
Although like subdrop, everyone has a different experience and needs when it comes to aftercare, some for instance may want to be left alone to process this on their own and there is no right or wrong way, it simply involves doing whatever is necessary to help them recover.
How To Cope With Subdrop
A few ways you can help your body recover and deal with the effects of subdrop include:
- ACE which stands for aftercare, contact with your Dominant and expression of positive reinforcement by the Dominant.
- Drink plenty of water or a sports drink like gatorade, which help replace fluids, salts and potassium in the body that you have lost during a scene.
- Eat foods to replenish the nutrients in your body, while you might crave comfort foods and sugary treats, which will not only replace the sugar and energy you have lost, but obviously give you some sense of comfort, the effects will be only temporary and will only leave you craving more, which is not ideal. Instead try to eat whole grain bread, meat, cheese and vegetables, while avoiding any foods that are white in colour, although milk is also very helpful.
- Take some vitamins, especially the B-complex group that include folic acid, vitamin B6 and B12.
- Be active and interact with others, even if you do not feel like doing so, as subdrop often leaves a sub feeling ashamed, depressed, isolated, confused and alone, so being by yourself and trying to cope on your own will only make those feelings worse. Even spending time with your pet can be helpful. Most importantly stay in contact with your Dominant and try to talk to them about how you are feeling, so They can help you cope.
- Exercise will help release more endorphins, lessening the effects of subdrop, which is partly caused by the release of endorphins during a scene and the subsequent 'come down’ that occurs afterwards.
- Try keeping yourself occupied, with a hobby or other activity which will allow you to clear your head or express your feelings.
- Aroma therapy, warm baths, meditation and listening to soothing music is also helpful.
- Try to stay warm.
- Treat and care for any injuries you might have sustained during the scene, such as scratches, bites, welts or sore bottoms. I am not a doctor and I could not possibly hope to cover every potential scenario in this article, but generally applying basic first aid techniques and vitamin E cream will help your skin recover more quickly.
- Rest and get plenty of sleep.
- Try to get yourself ready before a scene, by getting plenty of sleep, trying to stay focused and preparing yourself for the experience.
You can find a useful article on the subject of subdrop here. While these are an excellent series of very extensive articles on aftercare and subdrop for submissives,Dominants,switches and also emergency self-administered aftercare.
Subdrop!!! I’ve had this but didn’t know what it was called @petesdomgirl36
I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.
If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.
Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.
- Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.
- Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.
- DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.
- Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.
- Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.
- Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.
- Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.
- The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.
Dating and Relationships:
- 10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)
- Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)
- Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)
- How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)
- Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
- So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
- The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)
- Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)
- Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)
- How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
- Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)
- Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
- Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
- Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
- Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)
- Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)
- Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)
- Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)
- Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)
- S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)
Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:
- BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)
- BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)
- Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)
- If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)
- What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Sub Drop and Aftercare:
- Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
- Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
- Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
- Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
- Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)
- Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)
Dominance and Dominants:
- A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)
- Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)
- An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)
- Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)
- Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)
- Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)
- How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)
- What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)
- What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Submission and Submissives:
- 10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)
- A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)
- Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)
- Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)
- Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)
- Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)
- Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)
- What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)
- BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer
- Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera
- Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison
- Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison
- Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison
- Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs
- Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams
- Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel
- Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel
- Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel
- Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel
- Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera
- Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon
- SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
- The Control Book by Peter Masters
- The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren
- The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.
- The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.
- The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino
- This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters
- Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker
Sharing again for those who missed it. Lots of great resources.
Reposting so I don’t lose all these!
repost so I don’t loose either!